A's Story

"I was born at Lenoir Rhyne Hospital in Hickory, NC. on July 18, 1988 weighing about 14 ounzes. My grandfather called me "hugey" and my whole famly thought I was going to be fat. My first word was "Ma" on May 14th, 1990. I don't remember much of myself as an infant.

I began attending middle school at Viewmont Elementary, were we had a guinea pig as a pet in my homeroom class. My dad owned three dry cleaning stores in North Carolina and I would help him after school everyday on weekdays. On the weekends I would usually be at my moms place of work, The Church of the Ascension. She taught Sunday school and she was my teacher, so I was always on my best behavior.

My father was very into golf and became a Pro at Lake Hickory Country Club. We played in a lot of father and son tournaments when I was younger and we were pretty succesful. I also enjoyed playing tennis and took lessons and practiced with my family and friends.

I moved to Sarasota, Florida in 1999 and began to attend a small private school called Out of Door Academy, I shortly got kicked out and started to attend Cardinal Mooney, were I did pretty well in school. I enjoyed playing the bass and practiced all the time.

I started smoking that marijuana in the ninth grade and experimented with a lot of other drugs as well as partying and drinking on the weekends with friends. I got kicked out of Mooney on my Senior year for failing a drug test and got charged with possesion of marijuana and a knife in my car. I then finished high school at Sarasota High, This was easy and I graduated with a good GPA and shortly after I went to Gainesville to start college. There I did very well, eventhough I was smoking pot daily and drinking occasionally.

My life became unmanageable when I returned home to Sarasota and all of my friends were doing pills and hardcore drugs. My life went downhill and I went from snorting pills to smoking oxycontin and then came shooting them. I was heavily addicted to the rush and tried quitting on my own many times without success. My mom knew there was something wrong with me but I denied it, until she saw track marks on my arms. She tried to get me clean by sending me to detox, which I relapsed from immediately.

After realizing I couldn't recover in Sarasota, my mother decided to send me to Synergy Group Services, and I couldn't be any happier. I came here on December 2, 2009 and now here 24 days of sobriety under my belt and for the first time in many years I am enjoying being sober. I am going to be staying here for another month and plan on staying in West Palm Beach because the change in environment has been really good for me.

LL's story

From what I can recall I thought I had a wonderful childhood, I remember how we raised Saint Bernard puppies and how I cuddled with them and rode them like ponies when they got older. We usually had at least two Saint Bernards and despite their drool I adored them and they became my playmates.

I did have an older brother and sister (half siblings), but they were always doing chores and I guess I was too young so I was left to play by myself. My father was really strict and my mother was always trying to protect my brother and sister, therefore her time with me was very limited, "not now Lynn" was a very common statement.

My first recollection of a weight issue was in day camp when I was in the 6th or 7th grade, I was called buck teeth and thunder thighs, I began drinking diet 7 up and exercising. my mother has always exercised every morning and I just copied what she did. My mother has always watched her weight and exercised as long as I can remember; she also had always hid food under her bed and in her closet so to me that was normal.

In early high school I would try not to eat all day and then eat downstairs by myself at night. My brother and sister had both moved out when I was younger to get away from my father so I was left with a very depressed mother ( who hid in her room) and a very lonely father (who was very bitter).

I cannot actually recall the first time I binged and purged but it must have been on the 10th or 11th grade, so about 15 or 16. I thought it was great to be able to eat and still not get fat so that became my new routine and practically my life, school, home, binge, sleep, binge, watch tV, and bed. I still had friends but didnt really hung out with any of them.

At 16 I got a job as a car hop, yes, I did wear roller skates. I am not sure if working around food was the best job but that is what I did for the next ten years or more. I did manage to go to college but I lived at home so I could live with my food. School, work, and food then I added alcohol.

So I graduated from colleege eventually with an english and paralegal and still continued to live at home and weitress; to this day I still live next door to my mom and dad, I think I may still be trying to get their approval. My parents love me in their own way, they have not actually ever said it so although my mom tries to say it I dont really feel it but I still keep hoping.

I have been to different therapists throughout the years, as a child I think I was depressed so my mother took me to different therapists, but I was never really honest I was just happy to spend time with mom and have the attention.

Perhaps my disease started out to get attention and then it turned into an addiction. After almost spending more than half of my life I am ready to spend the next half of my life healthy and happy.

I am here today at Synergy Group Services to begin a new life of happiness the old Lynn with bad habits will always be remembered to teach the new Lynn how wonderful and happy and healthy life can and will be.

My Story

“I remember smoking my first joint by the wood stairs when I was eight years old. That summer I asked my father who owned a bar and gas station, if my brother, cousin, and myself could have a beer from the fridge in the garage. He said “drink all the beer you want” as he laughed.

As I walked I walked away in front of my family telling them I would hate the taste, my brother, cousin and I two to three beers each. We all enjoyed feeling the grown ups at the party at our home on the lake. Some more partying, some more drinking, except we no longer asked, we just assumed it was ok. Then one day my dad caught us in the garage getting drunk and screamed at us with out cousin being told to get his “god damn ass out of the garage”. My brother and I were beaten as per usual and sent to our rooms which was worse because it as noon on Saturday and we knew we couldn’t leave until at least a week, except to eat and use the bathroom. My brother and I never, ever got the message. We always drank and smoked pot from that day on.

I had a friend who let me grow marijuana with him and I sold it to fellow students and high school students who were right directly next door to our junior high. I would hide it in the drop ceiling in the boy bathroom, then carried it in my gym bag, then I got into a fight in one of my classrooms and was told to go to the office. I refused because I had a half a pound of weed in my gym bag, needless to say the principal came down and got me and said “bring the gym bag”. After finding my stash he called my father and he was there in no time. He walked into the office, bitch slapped me across the face and kicked me in the shin. The principal stood up and said “Mr. Millard I am not going to have any of that in here” my father screamed “sit the F*** down, I am running the show here”, he turned around and kicked me and slapped me again!

I was suspended for ten days, I pushed and shoved all the way to the car. He took me straight to the barber and shaved my head which was past my shoulders, then he took me in the car, punching me on me my legs and ribs, slapping me on my face, the whole way home. When we arrived home he made take my door off my bedroom and screamed at me for hours. This didn’t work, I drank even more, I felt worthless and I started working our like a mad man, running four miles a day, lifting weights and rowing my boat around the lake. I was training to kick some a**!

I was suspended ten times for beating up people by the ninth grade. I was drinking a fifth of whiskey a day with my friend doing the same. This was the only time I made the honor roll. Nobody knew I was drunk, I sat calmed and listened. I quit smoking pot in the tenth grade due to paranoia and not being able to approach or be around girls. My drinking continued yet I excelled in sports and fighting, I was brought up to varsity football as a Sophomore and was kicked off the team for coming to practice drunk. I also made the varsity basketball team as a sophomore and was kicked off for the same reason.

After high school I continue to fight and drink for a short time until I was arrested twice for beating up people and was charged with drunk and disorderly. My life was out of control. Then things went from bad to worse, my mother left my father and I decided to move in with her, she told me that if the porch light was on I could not come home. I spent many night sleeping in my car. One night my father jerked the door opened and asked me what the hell was I doing? I told him the truth. He said “come back to my house, your mother is smoking crack and dating a drug dealer”. This just floored me because my mother never drank or drugged, she was a health nut athlete. I started drinking to the point of black outs and fighting every time I went to parties, drove on the road and knocked a janitor out cold in a small bathroom.

In 1986, after that I knew I had to leave Michigan. I moved to Florida and got a job and became sober. Obsessed with working out four hours a day six days a week drinking was now binge drinking only on the weekends. My life was better being away from all the drunk friends, and my mothers crack problem. In 1989 I got married to an Irish girl whom I had gotten pregnant. We had met a year earlier and partied like rock stars.

I was a good father and loved my wife, my drinking was still there but I would never black out, I only drank once every other weekend, six to eight drinks tops. My marriage ended in divorce due to my wife cheating on me, I was devastated. I had also been having major health problems since 1990 due to a surgeons negligence, leaving a clip on my bile duct for four days during gal bladder surgery, resulting in fourteen operations including bypass surgery.

I met a Christian girl in 1997, lived a basically clean life, sang at our church and loved all my kids like crazy. We grew apart in 2000 due to the fact that she never worked once in three years. I paid child support and supported her and I working seven days a week. By then I didn’t want a relationship. I was scared of women and didn’t have any long term relationships for six years. Partying the hardest I had ever had before. I was so lost and lonely and I felt I would never meet someone. I always met very beautiful women all the time but would be afraid to get hurt. I hurt a lot of people so I would just go out and get drunk. By then my mother had been using crack on and off for twenty years and was really ill and was now drinking hard because her twin sister died of cirrhosis of the liver from alcoholism that year yet she continued to drink. This drove me crazy and made me feel like a piece of s***!

On February of 2006 I received a phone call from my first love, Cathy who lived in Orlando. I went to visit her two weeks later for a drink. We sat at the dinner table after not seeing each other for twenty years, put our head together and held hands, it was beautiful. Like we were in 1982, we dated for a year, long distance. She saw my drinking problem and instantly put and end to it, and I stopped, she cheated on me. Heartbroken as I was it only lasted about a month. We lived so far, 182 miles apart with careers we couldn’t possibly leave, we both knew in our hearts it would end we just never talked about it. The night we broke up I drank until I blacked out. Did that for two weeks on and off and then decided to get a second job to keep myself on track, I did that until November of 2007, when I met Kelly.

We met at a bar and moved in together two months later. I drank with no control because she didn’t know me and my problem. She never really once got intoxicated, staying in control yet having fun with me. I soon learned after falling in love that I had made a mistake. She was cold and unloving. I was left to do all the house work and responsibilities around the house. Laundry, dishes, mop the floors, garbage, mail, etc. The worse problem was the loneliness I felt. I couldn’t leave, my heart was so in love with her. She didn’t go out to bars and didn’t cheat on me. For once, someone faithful. I had to put up with her faults. After a year of this and her being gone from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. and sleeping all day and sometimes three days in a row I would get so lonely, I would tell and justify in my head looking back now, that I can go and have a couple of drinks, but it would turn in to twenty or thirty. Sometimes missing work.

I have put her through a horrible time I have been hurt as well but take full responsibility for her leaving me, yet, I found myself so hurt and lonely. I am focused and so grateful that I convinced my case psychologist to put me in PHP instead of IOP so I could get the tools that I needed to take this plan I have, one day at a time”.

Terry's Story

“I was born and raised in Freeport, Long Island. Soon to move and settle in a beautiful new development named “tree area” in Hauppauge, N.Y. My biological family included Richard, Anita, Nancy, Timothy and I.
My early years were great. Very fond memories of playing especially baseball, but I was a bundle of fire from the get go. We had a retention pond across from my house which we called the sump. My second home “the sump” was truly a wonderful thing, we created a little eco system in there. We would ride our bikes to Blydenberg Park and catch fresh water bass, trout, sunfish, carp and catfish, which we would bring them, back to the swamp where they took off and grew to be a great fishing area.
I played little league baseball in which I excelled very fast. School was another story, I really have too much interest I did minimal requirements to graduate and all my electives were home economics, wood shop, or auto mechanics. Most were home economics, because I love food and I was the only guy in the class.
I smoked my first cigarette at age 12 and got sick as a dog but by age 15 it had become an everyday thing. I got drunk for the first time at age 14, we went over to a friend’s house and his parents were not home. We took a bottle of scotch and Brian and I drank most of the bottle. I do not remember much of that night, but I will never forget the shame, regret and sick I felt the next day. Around the same time in the tenth grade I smoked my first joint. I did not feel a thing. The next day at lunch period I smoked another joint with Mike and when we went back inside everything was echoing and I felt as if I was on a “really good trip”. I really truly enjoyed it. Of course looking back now, it was a pathway to my destruction lasting the next 32 years. In March, spring tour, when the tour bus came by I got on and that is when it all began, I found Jerry Garcia and The Grateful Dead.
The Grateful Dead was a major part of my life for 14 years. The Dead would tour 3x a year, spring, summer, and fall. My geographic boundaries in which I followed them scanned from Buffalo down to Virginia and out to Ohio. I would guess I saw around 300 shows until Jerry Garcia died on August 8, 1995. His death was attributed to a heart attack, while in Rehab. I guess that life style was not healthy and he also was obese and a drug addict.
Rewind and Recap:
I graduated Hauppauge High in 1980, leaving with my high school sweetheart Cathy. We started dating when I was 16 and she was 15. We were together in what I considered a wholesome relationship, I was in love with her, but it did not last. In my third year of college we had been a couple for about 7 years. At this point she wanted to get married. I told her my plans were to finish college and get a job and after I have saved some money we could take the next step. She was not content with this, so inevitably we went our separate ways. I was truly heartbroken, and went camping foe about 12 days by myself and tried to fill that hole in my heart with Pot and Beer. Eventually I got over her and graduated from Brooklyn Polytechnic University with a Bachelors of Science in Civil Engineering.
While I was in school I was working at the “Tool Warehouse” as a salesman, stock person and when we grew, 3 new stores were built in Long Island. All during college I had to work to pay tuition. So I was determined because it was money that I was spending. I did not have the luxury of getting a free ride from my parents, like most of my classmates. Being one that did not have any formal math or science coming out of high school, I really had to work hard to get through college.
During college I met a girl at the Tool Warehouse named Maryanne. She was, as it turns out, on of the best things to happen in my life. To this day she is my best friend. She came from a family of 13 siblings, very religious and family orientated. I would like to call her a “friend with benefits”. In the beginning and for years to come, she always seemed to keep coming back into my life. As she said “I am like a wart on your ass that won’t go away.” She was there for me always when I needed somebody in my life to talk to.

In June of 1992 I had crossed the line this was the first time I had tried Heroin. It was casual, recreational at first but soon turned into a love affair lasting 17 years. When I was hooked on Heroin it took my family 3+ years to find out, and the only way they found out was by getting a call from a police officer telling them I was arrested in lower Manhattan for possession of narcotics. Mean while my family was waiting at home to surprise me with a birthday cake. But, instead, they got a phone call. I was really pissed that no one in my family knew the turmoil I was in. they had started suspecting something was up, but they did not know what exactly was going on! It took my getting arrested and a court ordered detox to see my demise. I was carrying such a load for a long time and knew if I did not dump it soon I would go crazy. So up pops Maryanne into my life again. She truly is wise beyond her years. I finally broke and revealed my other half to her before getting arrested, and it felt like a ton was just taken off my shoulders. I was not ready to stop so I asked Maryanne to pick me up two hours after I was released from the Beth Isreac Detox so I could cop. I regressed to my old ways almost instantaneously. I found out that the vortex gets quicker and harder each time I fell back to my old ways.
I finally decided to become a better functioning drug addict. I got of the hard stuff and entered a methadone maintenance program on 1st ave. and 9th street in Manhattan. I was working in the area at the time so it worked into my schedule. I then became a really good functioning drug addict. My dual life was seamless, and I thought I could continue this path with no trouble, but I was mistaken again. My last ex, Lisa, who I went to college with, we had a good relationship at first but it ended bad. She had bought her parents house in Merrick, L.I. N.Y. We had a dog Colby, mix of Lab and Pit Bull. He is a great dog. We often would go to an animal shelter and feed all the dogs, who we would as it turned out, we would take into our house and love him to death. “Monty” was Carpee and Pit bull mix. He was a gush and we were head over heals with him.
In 2005 we went to Lisa’s parents house located near Cornell University. They had roughly 100 acres in which dogs loved. They ran around chasing critters and us chasing them. We all had a great time there, except the weekend of april 20 something 2005. Monty was running and playing as usual, I was reading a book with coffee. My morning ritual. But this turned out to be one of my worst mornings. I was doing my M.O and the dogs were doing theres, when all of a sudden I saw a new white caddy driving up the road and I heard a thud. I thought the worst and it ended up being even worse then I could have expected. The lady in the Caddy had hit Monty, at first he did not appear injured. He walked across the street to me and within 5 minutes died in my arms. The grief was nothing I have ever felt.
We went home but I was never the same and I knew it never would be the same. About 2 weeks later, I got this incredible pain in my chest and thought I was having a heart attack. I let it go and it went. Then it happened again and when these attacks started coming 5 times a day I went to the doctor. He diagnosed me with having a Panic Attack Episode. Not a heart attack. This diagnosis he prescribed Xanax. I had no more panic attacks, but a new addiction had arisen. My fault because I did not do my homework and read about the drug. I came to find out how dangerous and addictive it was.
I was now progressing in a merry go round I could not get off. I was on two addictive drugs now and felt hopelessly lost and no one to turn to but my best friend Maryanne. My ex Lisa did not know about the Xanax until I was on it for 3 years, and taking 8mg per day.
The shit hit the fan when one day I really wanted to get high. I knew if I did opiates I would not feel the effects with the methadone, so I ended up smoking crack. Wrong move again!! This led to my ultimate demise. I got into it heavy and lost everything, my girlfriend, my family, my job, myself. I knew I was in trouble, but little did I know how much.
The end came when I crossed a line I never would have dreamed I would cross. I was always lucky enough to support my own habit, but like I said I lost everything and money was scarce. I turned to stealing to fill that empty feeling. I had in my own mind crossed the concrete wall I thought I would never be able to cross. I took jewelry from my sister and brother in law, to get a fix.
I knew I hit rock bottom “Pun Intended”. I researched rehab places. I did not know my sister was also doing the same and we both converged on a place called Synergy Group Services, Inc. At first I thought to myself, “this sounds too good to be true”. But after I went to Palm Beach I realized this is the place I needed to be in, but I had one last task to fulfill. I had to confront my sister and brother in law about what I did in order for me to get what I needed out of rehab. I did it, and it was the most difficult thing I had to do. But I had to do it before I get better. Then “knock, knock” I was home at Synergy Group Services, Inc. and was welcomed with opened arms”.

His Story

My name is Kevin. . I am twenty one now and times are tough but I have a very optimistic view for the future as a sober being. When I was younger, I was active in many sports and every sport I played. I was one of the best! I learned how to ride a bike very young and was pretty dependent as a 4-6 year old. I remember leaving the house without telling anyone and I would go to a friend’s house. In elementary school, I had good remarks and I played basketball, soccer, baseball and football with my friends.
After sixth grade I switched schools because we moved. I had to leave all of my friends behind, which made me very sad. It took some time but I adjusted to the change.
At 14yrs I attended a big high school called Lakewood High. There, I played Varsity Golf my freshman year and was number four on the team. We set all kinds of records. My grades also were good in the ninth grade. My sophomore year was a bit different. (I never skipped class), but for some reason I started skipping and my grades started falling. During that period I was tested for ADHD and found out that I had it. Being diagnosed with that my parents decided to switch me to a smaller private catholic school called Cardinal Mooney. I loved it there, it was the best decision that could have been done. There, I became very religious, played Varsity Golf and Basketball. It was the best time of my life. I rarely partied and did no drugs. During my free time I played basketball all night and golfed all afternoon. I was very active and independent. I started to chew and use tobacco when I was 16 years old, but when I took up baseball I quit smoking to chew.
I feel that my addiction started when they prescribed me adderall for my ADHD. The first time that I ever smoked pot was with my two sisters and my aunt. After that I never really tried smoking for a while. But after I graduated high school I began to smoke a little. It wasn’t until my 19th birthday that I began smoking more. And at about that time everything started going downhill.
On August 30th 2007 I had about a dozen people at my place for my birthday and when the night ended there was a girl that was going 80mph with no seatbelt, crashed into a tree and died. I got charged with open house party and that really hurt me. That school year was over, I moved back home and started to work, play golf more and go to school. On October 2008, I began using Roxy’s. By February I told my parents I had a drug problem. I did a four day detox and stayed clean for a bit, but for the next four months I was on and off roxy’s. by June 1st I was using everyday and my addiction began to control me and everything around me. I began stealing more and although I was lying to everyone. I began lying even more.
Even with my addiction, I was able to have a 4.0 gpa and I would practice golf everyday. So I guess I just felt that it was ok.
By august, I began shooting Roxy’s again and using more. I turned 21 on August 30th, the morning after I was in jail. With possession charges.
My life was Fxxked up and now I am dealing with everything head on and I know if I can beat this, then I can achieve anything.

My Life Story

“I was born in Brooklyn, N.Y. in 1978. I was a very happy boy growing up with two loving parents. I was especially tight with my dad. He was a caring and loving dad who never forced me to do anything. He always knew I would make the right decisions on my own. I lived in New York for eight years and then in New Jersey for another eight years. I loved growing up in New Jersey, it was a small town, I was very popular. I never bothered with drugs, I was into sports. I smoked weed when I was 16 years old for eight years pretty steadily. I also experimented with other drugs but never did them regularly. Like cocaine, ecstasy, and acid a couple of times.

When I was 17, I lost my father in a drunk driving accident. I was devastated when my dad died. My father was my idol and he loved his kids. I was actually supposed to be in the car with him that morning but my uncle called me the night before to drive with him to work, so I am sure I have guilt of not being able to stop him from driving that day, because if I went with my father I would have held him up for ten minutes, because I would always make him late.

Its been 13 years since my dad passed and I feel a lot better, of course I still miss him, but ever since my son was born I felt like a load was lifted off my shoulders, plus I kind of think my dad was reborn into my son and he will always be in my heart. Also everybody in my family and friends say that I am the spitting image of my father, that makes me feel really good and I think my brother resents me for that because he is more like my mother.

At 20 or 21 years old I started having back problems. Turned out to be a herniated disk at L5 S1 discectomy. That was very unpleasant because for two years after surgery I was bed ridden pretty much. I couldn’t work and I was in constant pain 24 hours a day, I was scared because the told me a lot of bad news. I didn’t know who to believe, the arthritis specialist told me I have spondolitis and the Doctor that did the surgery on me said that I had the back on an 80 year old man. I ignored the Dr.’s and went for the New York Yankees single “A” baseball team for try outs. Its always been my dream to play for them and my dream came through for two years. I was the happiest guy alive smiling from ear to ear, my coaches always said they wished some players had my heart and determination. I bleed baseball especially white and navy blue pinstripes, its been like that my whole life. I used to have my own field of dreams in my backyard, my friends would always tease me and call me “benny the Jet Rodriguez” from that movie called The Sandlot.

Anyways, when I turned 29 years old the best thing in my life happened, I became a dad to the best little boy in the whole world, I love my son so much and its so hard to be an addict and try to be a dad to him. I hate that this disease has taken over my life. It stops me from being the dad I should be, when I am in pain I cant hold my son to comfort him, it breaks my heart. I have to do something about that because nothing is going to stop me from being a great dad. Now that I am level headed and off the drugs my mind is back to being a responsible parent instead of worrying about how am I going to get my next pill so I don’t get sick. I miss my son so much and my new baby girl Guliana, I haven’t even held her yet, she is definitely daddy’s little girl, she looks just like me, I am proud of myself for having two healthy great kids. I am the luckiest man in the world and I know that. Now I just have to step up and be the best dad I can be. I have always set high expectations for myself, I guess is the competitive spirit in me, plus I know already that my little girl is a fighter like me, she is my little miracle at 32 weeks old.

I have to continue my education and get a steady job so I can support my family, I know I can do it too, I just have to roll with the punches in life. I realize there is always going to be ups and downs in life, I just have to know how to deal with them.”

My Life Story--Robert

“I was born in Brooklyn, N.Y. in 1978. I was a very happy boy growing up with two loving parents. I was especially tight with my dad. He was a caring and loving dad who never forced me to do anything. He always knew I would make the right decisions on my own. I lived in New York for eight years and then in New Jersey for another eight years. I loved growing up in New Jersey, it was a small town, I was very popular. I never bothered with drugs, I was into sports. I smoked weed when I was 16 years old for eight years pretty steadily. I also experimented with other drugs but never did them regularly. Like cocaine, ecstasy, and acid a couple of times.

When I was 17, I lost my father in a drunk driving accident. I was devastated when my dad died. My father was my idol and he loved his kids. I was actually supposed to be in the car with him that morning but my uncle called me the night before to drive with him to work, so I am sure I have guilt of not being able to stop him from driving that day, because if I went with my father I would have held him up for ten minutes, because I would always make him late.

Its been 13 years since my dad passed and I feel a lot better, of course I still miss him, but ever since my son was born I felt like a load was lifted off my shoulders, plus I kind of think my dad was reborn into my son and he will always be in my heart. Also everybody in my family and friends say that I am the spitting image of my father, that makes me feel really good and I think my brother resents me for that because he is more like my mother.

At 20 or 21 years old I started having back problems. Turned out to be a herniated disk at L5 S1 discectomy. That was very unpleasant because for two years after surgery I was bed ridden pretty much. I couldn’t work and I was in constant pain 24 hours a day, I was scared because the told me a lot of bad news. I didn’t know who to believe, the arthritis specialist told me I have spondolitis and the Doctor that did the surgery on me said that I had the back on an 80 year old man. I ignored the Dr.’s and went for the New York Yankees single “A” baseball team for try outs. Its always been my dream to play for them and my dream came through for two years. I was the happiest guy alive smiling from ear to ear, my coaches always said they wished some players had my heart and determination. I bleed baseball especially white and navy blue pinstripes, its been like that my whole life. I used to have my own field of dreams in my backyard, my friends would always tease me and call me “benny the Jet Rodriguez” from that movie called The Sandlot.

Anyways, when I turned 29 years old the best thing in my life happened, I became a dad to the best little boy in the whole world, I love my son so much and its so hard to be an addict and try to be a dad to him. I hate that this disease has taken over my life. It stops me from being the dad I should be, when I am in pain I cant hold my son to comfort him, it breaks my heart. I have to do something about that because nothing is going to stop me from being a great dad. Now that I am level headed and off the drugs my mind is back to being a responsible parent instead of worrying about how am I going to get my next pill so I don’t get sick. I miss my son so much and my new baby girl Guliana, I haven’t even held her yet, she is definitely daddy’s little girl, she looks just like me, I am proud of myself for having two healthy great kids. I am the luckiest man in the world and I know that. Now I just have to step up and be the best dad I can be. I have always set high expectations for myself, I guess is the competitive spirit in me, plus I know already that my little girl is a fighter like me, she is my little miracle at 32 weeks old.

I have to continue my education and get a steady job so I can support my family, I know I can do it too, I just have to roll with the punches in life. I realize there is always going to be ups and downs in life, I just have to know how to deal with them.”

Her Story, Her Words

I came from a family of four. My mother, father and older brother lived in the same town all of my life. My mother was a school teacher and during my elementary years I attended the school she was working at. For the first few years it worked well, but by the time I was in the fifth grade I started acting up, so I was sent to a private middle school.
As for middle school it was not comfortable. Always wanting to fit in trying to find my place. I remember I was the class clown and my grades struggled because of that. Boys also became a big deal.
In the 7th grade I started Jr/Sr High, this is when I was first introduced to drugs. My mother was always home. When I came home from school I hung out at the neighbors, where the parents were divorced or not home, so we were able to have more freedom to experiment with boys and drugs.
During the next several years most of the time I was in trouble. (I see not the correlation between drugs and trouble).
I had big plans for high school, but most of my dreams and ideas never worked out. From not making cheerleading to boyfriend breakups, I always managed to mess things up.
I had a stable family life, my parents are very happily married and always providing the best they could. At 16 yrs. I started working at the local mall but continued the gravitation towards peers that partied.
My parents attended college and always encouraged me and my brothers to do the same. My brother was never interested, but I couldn’t wait. Even though my grades weren’t very good, I was still able to attend college. I attended community college and earned an AA degree, then I transferred to a state university. From there life got better and better. I quickly became involved in campus life and through the involvement of my sorority I started developing into the person I wanted to be. My academics where always average but I managed to earn a BA degree in merchandising. I also developed friendships that I still cherish today.
After college I landed a job in South Florida where I always wanted to live. Even though retail didn’t pay very well, I managed to make ends meet. The 1st few years I shared an apartment with one of my sorority sisters. I also had a part-time job teaching aerobics. I had a love for fitness, so this was something I enjoyed.
Two years out of college I met my future husband. He was the man of my dreams. He had similar qualities as my father who I always admire.
We dated for 2yrs when he finally popped the question. I had always dreamed of marriage, children and living happily ever after. My dreams had come true. We married about a year later and life was great. Although we had our ups and downs we shared the same ideas and dreams. Life was good to us.
During the course of the next six years we were blessed with 3 children, each 2 yrs apart. Two boys and a girl. My husband had a strong work ethic. We were both raised in a family which our mothers stayed home while the children were young. This was something we both felt strongly about and we where fortunate enough to do the same.
Although I had no idea my life was about to take a turn for the worse. About the time my kids were about 6, 8, and 10 yrs old I had minor surgery. My Dr prescribed me pain medication for the post surgery. This was the start of my addiction to pain pills.
At first I would take an occasional pill for fun and before I knew it a few years had passed and I was taking them on a regular basis. The more I took, the more I needed. I had always enjoyed drinking alcohol (to much most of the time) but with the pills I was out of control.
The next thing I knew I was going to various doctors and lying to get a prescription. Even though I knew my addiction was very wrong. I rationalized my behavior. For many years I was able to function in raising a family and everything associated with it.
When the children were 10, 12, and 14 yrs. my husband got offered a job requiring relocation to my hometown where my parents still lived. My parents were getting older so we felt this would be a good opportunity for them to watch the children grow. Although my husband and I agreed to the decision to move, and I knew it was the right thing. My heart wanted to stay. We had lived there for fifteen years and it was full of happy memories. Initially, the move was exciting. My mother and I where very close and always wished we lived close to each other. Many changes came with the move both good and bad. We where able to afford a beautiful home in a very nice neighborhood and my husband had a good job.
Even though we had everything we could dream of, I was unhappy inside. I see now this is when my life started to become unmanageable.
At first, I was able to feed my addiction through the mail, but it soon became difficult. Over the next year I had weaned myself from the pain pills with methadone. Unfortunately, my addiction changed to alcohol. My drinking became bad if not worse, then my pill addiction. about a year later my mother became ill and passed away. Not only was I devastated from the loss of my mother, I was an alcoholic. I stared going to AA and continued for about a year. I finally realized I was not really doing for me but actually for my family. After several months of turmoil with my husband I started lying (to myself and Family) about my recovery. It was then I started back on the pills.
Over the next few years my addiction became so bad my life was upside down. I was unable to keep daily life going with out a pill. At this point I was so addicted that I would do almost anything to feed my addiction. I was a busting our finances (which my husband worked so hard for). Several times I tried to quit but with out success. I had been so deceitful for so long I couldn’t bring myself to ask my family for help.
By this time the children were 14, 16, and 18 and I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. Between all the pills and the alcohol and lying I was exhausted. I turned to the local methadone clinic. I knew it would be hard to keep this from my family and husband, because I had to go on Saturdays a week each morning by 9am for a daily dose. It was just a matter of time before I would die if I didn’t get my family involved. About ten days into the methadone, my husband confronted me, that’s when everything came down at once. the worse part was that I still couldn’t find the courage to tell the truth. Not only had I really killed myself, I had ruined my husbands trust forever and rightfully so.
The next couple of weeks were horrible, not only had I done this to myself. I managed to bring down my family with me, the one who loved me the most, and I still fought the truth, but I couldn’t fight any longer. I had reached bottom or at least it felt like it.
I research the local rehab facilities in the area. I researched the various drugs available to help with my conditions. Finally, two days before I was to start I learned about Synergy Group Services located in West Palm Beach, so I went, It was a Blessing.

KB

The Addict That Should Have Listened

Many years ago I was sent to a drug rehab facility in Florida, at the young age of sixteen. There, I wasn’t sent by my parents and of course I thought I knew everything there is to know about everything. I was full of life, a parents dream. I was good in sports, had many girlfriends and was on my way to growing up healthy and happy, which is every parents wish. There was a couple of other things aside of the drugs, I was also cocky and thought that my ability to play sports and manipulate others would get me through everything. It was on Junior year in High School that I hit the wall of addiction.
I was in treatment for four long months and was taught many things but most importantly I was told that if I didn’t improve my attitude and changed my behavior I would be back, that is if I was lucky to survive because people died from this disease. I could end up in jail or another institution for the rest of my life. Twenty years later I learned that I have gone through more than anyone my age has gone through. I have been in jail and several institutions, nearly escaped dearth several times, lied, cheated and stole from myself and family, only to let them down time after time. I have been homeless for months on end, and have eaten from dumpsters in order to survive, but most of all I lost my self respect but more than anything I lost my dreams and hopes. That is what drugs do to you.
So what is the moral of my story? If I should have listened it would have saved a lot of pain.

My Life Story--Mary

“My name is Mary Lynn McNamara, I was born August 27, 1953 in El Paso, Texas. My parents are Robert and Ruth Hughes. I am the youngest of seven children (though my oldest sister Judy did not live with us). My brothers names are Bill, Bobby, and Ken (deceased), my sisters are Judy, Pat and Barbara. Our childhood was rocky due to the constant moving, I can think of six states that I have lived in and I know we moved at least three times a year. My father worked drywall so of course he always went where the work was at. I didn’t find out until years later that my father had four children from a previous marriage and was sending child support to them. I guess that explained our poverty over the years. I also found out years later that my parents ran off together when they were both married to other people, plus my mother was pregnant with my oldest brother Bill, by her first husband. My parents were married close to sixty years so I know it was meant to be. My father adored my mother in everyway possible. He loved all of us kids and was so loving and kind to us.

I hated the constant moving and I always told mom and dad that when I got married I would never move, a promise I followed through. I don’t remember much anything from my childhood. I can remember when we moved to Tampa when I was four years old and I ran away from home while my parent where unpacking in the new house. I guess I was mad we had moved again. I was picked up by the police because I wondering the streets of Tampa. When the officers asked me where I lived I kept giving them the address in California. My parent found me when they called the police to report me missing.

My next memory is of the third grade. I was attending St. Joseph’s Catholic School in Brandenton, FL, I remember the plaid uniforms and the saddle shoes with the knee highs. I remember the nuns. I only went to catholic school for three or four years and then I went to public schools.

I remember when we moved to Sarasota, FL. I had a girl friend by the name of Barbara Giarlando. We played Barbies together and we stayed at each others houses on the weekends. She was my best friend for three years until my brother Ken did to her what he had been doing to me for a couple of years.

I guess this is a good time to talk about my Brother Ken and the things that happened with him. I am not sure when “IT” started with Ken, nor do I remember the extent of what Ken did to me. It must have started when I was eleven or twelve, I am not sure. He would come into my bedroom at night while I was sleeping and he always held a flashlight under his chin. He would stand beside my bed in the dark and wait for me to wake up. When I would wake up he would pounce on me and he would start acting like he was raping me. This is where my mind is fuzzy about what exactly he did to me on those nightly visits. It scares me to think about it and I was terrified of my brother in everyway. I tried so hard to tell my mom and dad what he was doing but they didn’t believe me. My mom kept going back to the jealous speech she always said to me no matter what Ken did to me. Ken’s abuse started when my mom brought me home from the hospital. I was told by my oldest sister Pat, that Ken (who was three at the time) held a pillow over my face and tried to smother me but Pat walked in and caught him in the act. This was the beginning of Ken’s abuse but mom thought it was just normal jealousy while I walked around in terror. I also thought that if I loved him enough he would love me, but that didn’t work.

During the time Ken was abusing me I had my girl friend, Barbara Giorlando over to spend the night. I think I was thirteen at the time. Barbara was the first girl friend I truly ever had in my life and I cherished out friendship. The night she stayed the night my brother had a friend of his stay the night also. During the night the two of them came into my room and Ken jumped on Barbara while Billy (my brothers friend) jumped on me. Very early the next morning Barbara’s mother picked her up and that was the last time I saw my friend or heard anything from her. Again, I blocked off what was going on. It seemed like I had developed a great talent for taking all things unpleasant and “forgetting” them, or at least blocking them out of my memory.

It was during this time that I met a boy, Johnny Hyatt (time had passed and now I was thirteen). Somehow I convinced my parents to let me go on my first date. A lot of whining, perhaps? I would live to regret this date for the rest of my life. I did not know this guy very and he was sixteen years old with car of his own. My parents didn’t know him at all. The stipulation for the date was that I had to go out in the afternoon. Johnny picked me up on a Sunday afternoon, it was in February. We went for a ride and Johnny decided to take me to Manatee River. We parked at the river and Johnny wanted to get in the back seat to talk so I went along with it. We talked for a while and then we started kissing. I was uncomfortable but I didn’t feel too threatened, not at first. The kissing became more and more demanding and that is when I became worried and scared. How do I describe the next few minutes when it went from uncomfortable to terrifying? How do I describe being held down? I was raped at thirteen and when he found out I wasn’t a virgin (from Ken) he hit me as hard as he could. I was screaming and yelling “NO” over and over again. I can’t seem to get his smell out of my memory bank. I will never forget it. Johnny finally took me home while I sobbed the entire way home. When I got home I ran into the house, I told mom what happened and she called me a liar, then she called me a whore. I knew then that I couldn’t tell anything again so I went into the shower and scrubbed off everything I could scrub off. I did that for days. Years. I couldn’t get rid of the smell or the memory. I still have memories of it that turn in to nightmares for me. If I am under stress or I am unhappy about something I have nightmares about being held down. From that point on I never told mom or dad anything. I didn’t have to tell them. I became very quiet and withdrawn.

Four months later I realized I was pregnant from the one date with Johnny Hyatt and I had to tell my parents. I was more terrified that I had ever been in my life but I told mom. She cried and called me a whore and said we would talk to dad when he got home from work, which we did. Dad was furious and hurt because I was daddy’s girl. A few days later mom and dad talked to me, they were sending me away to a home for unwed mothers in St. Pete, it was a catholic home run by nuns. I will never forget sitting in the office with the Mother Superior and going through the questionnaire. When I got to the question about the baby’s father my mother nor the Mother Superior believed me that I had been raped and I knew who did it. My mother told the Mother Superior that I was a whore and would always be one. I just shut my mouth and quit talking and allowed the adults to speak around me passing the harsh and unjust judgment. I was there for a couple of weeks when my oldest brother Bill and his wife Mary decided to take me in and give me a home. At this point mom and dad did not want me back. I was homeless.

While I was living with Bill and Mary my parents decided to forgive me and part of this was moving again to Venice, FL (Part of Sarasota County). I gave birth to a baby girl. The only reason I know the baby was a girl is because during the time I was in the hospital a nurse brought the baby to me by mistake and I was able to spend time with her.

When I left Bill and Mary’s and moved home to my parent’s house in Venice things quickly returned to normal. Ken left me alone after that and Barbara had married, divorced and had a baby boy. She moved back home so we had a full house with my nephew, Darrin there too. I loved it because ken was not me and as I started Venice Junior High I met girls that became my friends all the way through high school (and now).

It was during high school that I met Jeff Stephens. He was two years older than me but we started to date right after the tenth grade and continued to date until we married on February 5th, 1972 which was midway through my senior year. This came about because my parents moved to Atlanta during my junior year and though I went with them and finished my junior year in Atlanta, I moved back here and got an apartment with two other high school girls. I finished high school at night and worked during the day to support myself. Jeff and I dated when we could. We where engaged by then and decided to get married. I was eighteen and Jeff was nineteen.

Jeff and I had a small church wedding at South Venice Baptist Church. Jeff and his family had attended this church for a number of years and even though I had been raised a catholic I was more than willing to be married in the Baptist Church. The wedding itself was family only and the reception held at my in-laws was for friends and family. From the very beginning Jeff’s parents gave me a feeling of security, warmth, love, and acceptance and such a feeling of parental love like I had never felt before in my life. I loved them and I trusted them. Jeff had saved up $10,000.00 over the years from birthday and Christmas gifts and with that money we purchased furniture and everything we needed plus we gave part of it to Jeff’s parents as a down payment for a new home they were holding the mortgage for. So as newlyweds we had a new home just built and new furniture. I was so happy because I was so much in love with Jeff and I felt like I was in heaven. I didn’t tell Jeff about my past (except about ken) because my mother took me aside and told me that I was no good for the Stephen’s and that if I told Jeff about my past he would leave me in a heartbeat, and if his parents ever found out they would never speak to me again. She said that I needed to promise her I would never tell anyone about my shameful past.

Tracy was born on September 9th, 1972 and I was ecstatic, beyond ecstatic. I wanted her so much and I poured all of my love on her ( I am still doing that today) she was my world. I was working at the family Chrysler-Plymouth dealership as a part time bookkeeper so I brought her to work with me. Jeff worked there as well in the service department. Jeff’s father figured out what our monthly expenses were and that is what he paid us at the dealership, so Jeff and I had to budget our money very tightly. On May 24th, 1976 Terry was born and our family was complete. I truly wanted more children but Jeff was happy with two, and did not want more.

The next few years went by quickly. The children kept me busy and I worked at the dealership while the children were in school. After school I packed them up and did the usual things. Tracy had three dance classes until she graduated high school and Terry had little league, boy scouts, etc. As the kids got older and older, I worked more and more at the dealership because in the early eighties I became office manager and my mother in law retired. I loved that time. I loved being so responsible for the financial statements and the sales tax report. I loved everything about bookkeeping and looked forward to going to work everyday. I quickly became a workaholic working sixty to seventy hours a week.

The years flew by for our family. Jeff and I went to resorts all over the country for Chrysler meetings (about four or five a year). We had another couple we hung around with, that also had two children. Their names where Marty and Sharon. They played a major part of our life and Sharon was my best friend for over twenty five years.

It was in the late eighties and early nineties that things started to fall apart at the dealership. Slowly we lost money and while the financial statements not always reflect a loss, usually at the end of the year we showed losses. More and more, Jeff and I had to put into the business to keep it afloat. We sold property (we had build a new home in 1980 that was on ten acres), and we borrowed money. We quit taking paychecks and I went out and got two other part time jobs to help supplement the money at home. Jeff refused to get another job which I resented considering I was working three jobs and taking care of the kids. I did more than resent it, I was livid.

During the time we were failing, I would lay awake at night sobbing because everyday the bank would call me and tell how much I needed in the bank that day. It could be a thousand dollars or it could a half million, and I would have to spend my mornings trying to get the money together. The vendors where constantly calling me for money and Chrysler credit lived at the dealership to get as much money as they could out of us when a car was sold. We had to let employees go (that were like family after years of employment) which meant work had to be done. I began to work seven days a week around 1988 and this lasted until we finally went under in 1995.

1995 was a very rough year and this is when I went to a doctor for migraines and constant headaches. He gave Tylenol three and Soma. We lost our family business and in the process Jeff and I split up. One day I packed my bags and drove to Atlanta to live with my sister Barbara. While I was up there Jeff and I had to file for bankruptcy because of the business losses. We were over a million dollars in debt. Terry was also caught selling drugs, and we had to re-mortgage the house (we lost the house). After three months, out of guilt, I came home back to Jeff. I always believed in the Ozzie and Harriet life and that is what I wanted to give my children.

Jeff and I lasted another five years. In the year 2000 we filed for divorce, I asked Jeff for the divorce for so many reasons. His twenty eight years of verbal abuse. My anger. It was complicated but yet simple. I still love him and always will but I am not in love with the man he is today.

Terry and Tracy did not take the divorce too well. They later came around and were fine until I started dating, Terry then became angry and shut me out. It was also about that time that Terry’s girlfriend Susan, left him with their daughter Anna, so I guess that might explain his sudden change of personality.

I went to work for a computer company by the name of Reynolds and Reynolds right before my divorce and this job had a really good positive influence on my life. I went from dealership to dealership training employees (classrooms at a time) on how to use their computer system. I would be there for a month. Obviously I had to know what I was doing, and if I didn’t I had to fake it.

I learned at this job about different personalities and how just because a person reacts a certain way toward you does not mean you should take it personally. Every person has their own personality and we are all unique. Just because I am a touchy feely loving person does not mean every person is that way. It was a valuable lesson.

When Jeff and I divorced, I was alone for the very first time in my life. I was living paycheck to paycheck, and I became depressed because we had lost the business. I had lost my marriage, my children were upset, we lost the home we had raised out children in, and my best friend of 25 years, Sharon, slammed the door in my face and refused to have anything to do with me. I was crushed, I am crushed, I don’t know what I did wrong.

I did enjoy my time alone, though. It was nice to able to watch what I wanted to watch, eat when I wanted to eat, and all the freedom that went along with it. It was during this time that I went to a doctor again and got Tylenol three and Soma for the headaches. I purchased a new double wide trailer to live in, it was in a 55 and over community which was ok with me. It was during this time that Tracy found me during a black out and took me to the hospital. I was baker acted at the point and stayed in Tampa General Hospital for five days.

After that rough patch I got myself together again, went back to work, and met Marty, my husband. I posted a profile on match.com and hooked up with Marty after several other dates. Marty and I have been together for seven years and married for five.

Our wedding was a small church wedding on May 11th, 2004. I had a beautiful white dress, Marty wore a suit, Bill gave me away. Tracy and Terry were both there but Terry looked like he wanted to kill everyone in there (according to my son in law, Scott). Marty has been wonderful to me since the first day. His daughter, Carol has accepted me into her life and has made me feel like I am a step mother and a friend to her.

Things with Terry became very rocky at this point. He had some problems that really upset me. The first thing he did was throw all of his things and Anna’s things into the garbage, told Anna he never wanted to see her again, and went off to live in the woods because he wanted to know what it felt like to be poor. This only lasted a few weeks because my son is used to having things. However, when he came out of the wood he didn’t have a job or a place to live so he arrived in Sarasota at his grandparents, life around Terry was not easy. Jeff and his parents took Terry to the doctor and a therapist, he was given anti depressants but he refused to take them. It was during this period that Terry started to call me and began to tell me “F*** You” over and over. I tried to take him to movies and dinners but he was always angry and sullen. By the time he was done yelling at me about his life being in ruins was all my fault I would literally be in tears for months. My drug use became heavier and heavier while I tried to handle my failing relationship with my son. It tore me apart. The next thing Terry did was to decide he could read minds and he could hear voices so he was going to go to NYC to open a business. He set off without a dime and got as far as South Carolina before he ran out of gas, at this point he decided to lay on I-95 and take a nap, right on the highway. The police came and they had to take him to the hospital (they had to taser him to calm him down) and at this point they ran a drug test. His blood work came out clean. Jeff and his parents wanted me to go to South Carolina to get Terry but I was too afraid of him. I honestly had no idea at this point what my own son was capable of doing to me. He was verbally abusive to me. Jeff put him in a drug rehab center and I tried to visit him but Terry told me every time I went there to “F*** Off”. He wanted nothing to do with me.

Thank goodness I had my daughter Tracy, my grandchildren and Marty. Without them I would have gone crazy during this time. Of course, my drug use increased as my stress levels increased with Terry.

I went to an orthopedic doctor that did an MRI on my back and neck. He found several discs that had some problems but he decided not to do surgery. The injury had been caused when I fell down the stairs one morning back in the eighties. I never went to the doctor because I had two kids to take care of a job with sixty hours a week. The orthopedic doctor referred me to a pain management doctor that prescribed Loretab, I also started ordering Soma and Farocet because I could get it. I also ordered Tylenol 3 to have on hand just in case I ran out of Loretab. Medications are too easy to get online.

On February 12th 2008. Terry drove to the Sunshine Skyway Bridge and jumped off, that day my brother Bill and sister in law Mary, came over to our house to tell me the news. When I pulled up in the drive way and saw their car, I thought they where there to see Marty, he had his hip replaced about five days before and had just gotten home from the hospital. Bill told me and it didn’t register, but when It did I couldn’t stop crying and I needed to go to my ex in laws house. Marty took me over there and I went straight to my ex father in law, that I will always love, and cried my eyes out. My next job was to call Tracy and Susan.

I started going to a therapist after Terry’s suicide but I kept myself medicated so I couldn’t feel anything. A part of me died the day my son jumped from the bridge and the worse part if they never found his body. We waited three months to have a service because I kept hoping he would show up, but I finally had to get realistic. Jumping from the Skyway is like jumping from a ten story building.

So here I am today at Synergy Group Services, Inc, getting my life back together, I am where I need to be, getting the help that I need to be sober.”

Pain Med addiction--His Story

“I was born in Louisville, KY., to loving parents. I have one older brother. We lived in KY for the first then years of our life. We then moved to West Virginia, where I continued to enjoy family life and the great outdoors, at age twelve we moved to Reuna, (The Pocono Mountains). This was a resort area and there was a lot of fun things to do including drinking. I liked alcohol the first time I tried it, and along with two friends we drank almost every weekend, at least one night there was drinking parties periodically until I turned eighteen.

At eighteen I now had to join the Coast Guard in order to not be drafted. My drinking was both legal and social in the military.

I met my wife before I was discharged and again drank normally. We were married ten months later while I attended college. Again I drank socially and graduated with two B.S. degrees in 1977 just before my son was born. I worked as a medical technologist for the next twenty eight years and also worked as a chemist in R & D.

In 1990 I had been working as a chemist when the company was bought out and the job evaporated. Now I started drinking alcoholically as a functional alcoholic. I did this until 1993 where I drank almost 24 hours a day. I went into rehab and have been in recovery for sixteen years.

Four months ago the morphine that I took for severe pain due to an injury in the military and a car accident, began to be more than for pain relief. I used too much and isolated myself by staying in bed. I realized I needed help or I wouldn’t have my wife of thirty eight years nor my life. So I called Synergy Group Services, Inc, and started the program, I have been in the program for two weeks now. Through the grace of God I will stay clean.

P.S. I realized my father drank alcoholically when I was about thirteen years old. Since this was the early sixties no one knew what to do for him. He died at age fifty nine in 1973.

My story: Meghan

“As an only child I often found comfort in my solitude. I would sit in my room for hours drawing, coloring, and playing with my little ponies. I grew a custom to being alone. My parents divorced after my first birthday. Both my mom and dad have two very different sides of the story. I blame it on my mother’s alcoholism, as does my father. Naturally, I went to live with my mother and visited my father on the weekends when possible and he paid child support once a month. I never saw any of the money and neither did my college fund. My mother lived the life of a vagabond, carrying me in toe from boyfriend to boyfriend leaving me always forced to adapt to my new surroundings annually almost like clockwork. This carried on until my mother met my future step father, Joe. Joe, had two kids a son and a daughter, they too lived with their mother.

The night I met Joe my mother asked me what I thought of him, I informed her that I didn’t like him and she replied, “Don’t you want me to be happy?” Everything was about her, story of my life.

I struggled my way through middle school emotionally, I struggled to fit in socially, I was constantly striving to fit in and look a certain way, but mostly I struggled with my awkward body finding clothes that fit me correctly and dealing with my removed shy persona.

From here I began to search for a substance to loosen me socially, I was twelve years old when I first smoked weed. I don’t recall any euphony but I do recall a sense of belonging and instant friends. From then my life went downhill, by that time my mom was a full fall down alcoholic, she lost her ability to work and went on disability, I took care of her.

In between three stints of rehab, I found a spy camera in my room planted by Joe, Joe was strict yet perverted. He owned thousands of pornographic magazines, so of course I found it as sexual abuse when I found this camera where I dress. He was never taken to court but he was kicked out. He is still married to my mother but they haven’t seen each other in ten years. By the time I was finishing middle school, I had endured enough. Mom was in a black abyss and Joe was gone. It was time for another rehab. With no one left to care for me, I went to live with my father and he took care of me.

In high school my drug use escalated, I used a different drug every weekend, sometimes during the week to get through school. I got ok grades and maintained a job and got good grades at a local community college, but quickly I was using all my savings in addition to paychecks coming in, I took a job in the city. I quickly upgraded to heroin. Still I was with out sufficient funds.

I went into my first detox on September/October, I got out on October 19th and went to live in Maine, the mission failed, I used any chance I got and upgraded to needles. I couldn’t see myself without opiates.

I was back and forth to Philadelphia to see my boyfriend Billy, we have been through a lot together, having been together for two and a half years. He went into treatment on February of 2009. I had to go stay with a friend that worked for a few days, until she called my father to inform him that I had relapsed.

I was put back into detox, put on Suboxone. An unfortunate series of events cause me to be placed into another rehab.

My mother has been drinking, using, and co-dependent since she lost custody of me. My father has been nothing but full of love, besides being hard on me in terms of school, it wouldn’t be a surprise/different to hear him yelling that I am “stupid, dumb, etc.”

In Her Own Words

“Hello, my name is S. H. I come from a middle class background. I lived in Michigan then in Florida, while in Florida we moved to several places, because we moved we lacked social relations and we remained very close. I was always above average in school and sports but never the best. I began drinking in High School, this was a weekly habit until I got in trouble at sixteen. During summer break from school, I traveled with my family and went to sport summer camps with friends. While attending High School I met my husband, I remained sober for the rest of High School.

I left for college leaving my High School sweetheart behind, he soon proposed and we were engaged. After our fairy tale wedding we moved to Gainesville, Florida where I earned my bachelors degree as well as my masters degree. During my last semester of my undergraduate year I began to go out with the girls and my husband and his buddies. I began drinking heavily and experimenting with drugs at parties and clubs. First pot then cocaine, and a few other in between.

I managed to be able to achieve good grades, be involved in the college extra-curricular activities while still partying. I had two groups of friends, my class/volleyball friends and the people I partied with. I thrived of good and bad girl routine, and this challenge of balance. My goal for college was to get into doctoral school. I volunteered and held office positions in pre-professional clubs, and helped with research studies. I applied three times to only get on the waiting lists. Because I failed I went into a deep depression, this began a spiral of binges and daily usage of drugs. So much, my husband and I incurred a ridiculous amount of debt, finally I had enough it was either die or do something to change my life, I left it up to God. I asked what was his plan for me, career or family, I listened.

I got pregnant and stopped everything. Moved away, bought a house and began a career in Real Estate. I was very successful and made a great living with flexible time for my kids, while pregnant with my second child my family started to have moral dilemmas which questioned the values of which I was raised. I was confused and I felt it was all a lie, even though I had all this going on I still felt alone and confused. To add to this my baby had serious health problems at birth and was hospitalized for weeks. I tried to stay strong, I was drained trying to hold myself and my world which was now confused and chaotic. Together I developed post partum depression and began to self medicate with pills and coke. It was a two month binge of carelessness and stealing and lying to everyone I loved. I became trapped in my own house and isolated myself from everyone, my own thoughts became solitary confinement. I cried out for help and finally admitted I had a problem. No one understood they thought I had it all. They did not know about my addictive secret life and self loathing.

I came to Synergy Group Services, Inc, after a long phone call with the staff. I checked in after a painful goodbye to my kids and husband. I needed to figure out why I was so unhappy in my own skin so I could become a better mom, wife, daughter and person for myself. After a horrible detox from opiates I began therapy which allowed me to find out who I am, I also learned the tools I needed to deal with my addiction, I also started to take care of my body with the help of great nutrition and personal training in twenty eight days. This program was small and personalized. As a mom it was like a vacation, I caught up on sleep. My disease was finally diagnosed correctly I accepted my defects and put my life into God’s hand, I left feeling like myself for me, I surrendered my life and my plans became what God intended for me, my life became whole.”

Stephanie H.

"I'm an Alcoholic!"

“I am here to tell you my story of how I got here today.

It all started when I first experience my first drunken state at the young age of fifteen. That was all it took to lead me to rehab, merely three months proceeding my twenty first birthday, I could never say “NO” or get too drunk. I honestly thought I had everything under control, as I started my freshmen year in college at a proclaimed “Party School”, Georgia Southern University. Enumerable kegs, coolers of hunch punch, and bottles of liquor later, and I was put on academic probation, suspending me for a semester after only completing twelve hours out of thirty. I could get around this speed bump by simply transferring to another school, Valdosta State University. That solved nothing. The blackouts came every night, the promiscuity only got worse, my embarrassing GPA dropped even lower, it got to the point where I’d work only to have drinking money, yet I couldn’t pay my bills. I’d try to control my drinking by having only maybe three drinks, but I’d have five before we left the house. I wouldn’t eat anything all day just so the level of drunkenness would be that much more intense. You’d think I’d learned my lesson after a night in jail for a DUI, minor in possession, giving a fake name and birthday, suspended license, disorderly conduct and failure to stop at a stop sign, would teach me a lesson.

Nope, the very next night in a blackout drunk I got pulled over again but somehow got let off it. I suffered the same fate in this school, and only got one class credit out of eight. My parents had enough, no more spending their money to pay for me to party.

I packed my stuff and moved with my mom in Atlanta, Georgia. I was livid, no more partying! Little did I know my drinking could get worse. Shortly as in two day after moving in, my mom passed away. I went downhill fast, drinking to oblivion all the time. After such a traumatizing event my dad felt sorry and decided to pay for college once again, because I have high hopes of becoming a Dr., however I had to live ten hours away in Florida and ten hours away from my drinking friends.

In the midst of all this, my DUI case was settled with an amazing lawyer who got my DUI wiped from my record. I was on probation for a year, was ordered not to drink and got a breathalyzer apparatus in my car for six months. The drinking ensued and I simply didn’t drive my car when I visited my friends to party all day and night. I was dumb and tried to drive my car at eleven after drinking all night on New Years Eve. This registered in my breathalyzer and still on probation, my probation officer took me to court and I was ordered to go get an analysis to see if I had a drinking problem, of course I didn’t I thought that was stupid. I was shocked to hear that I desperately needed rehab. I thought everyone drank from noon to three A.M., blackout and repeated. I was forced to go to this facility disguised as rehab.

After coming to Synergy Group Services, Inc I finally accepted I had a drinking problem, after seeing other people and relating my live to them. I was an alcoholic!

The staff at Synergy Group Services, Inc. helped me realize that the source of my drinking was the pain I bottled up inside. I am now in touch with my feelings and I don’t have that nagging urge to drink. There is just simply no more inside to suppress. The people here have completely turned my life around and opened my eyes to other perspectives. I feel cared for because they genuinely want to help you. When you have that level of support, it makes you want to help yourself. They don’t make you feel embarrassed about being here, but proud that you are strong enough to help yourself because many can’t. I am not going to lie, I went in kicking and screaming but left thankful that I was given the opportunity to appreciate not only my life, but sobriety”

Addiction Stories: Sarah

My Name is Sarah I am 21 years old. I come from an upper middle class background of Jewish descent.

I went to a small private school in Boston for my freshman year of college where I was introduced to the party lifestyle. At first it was fun, then my grades started dropping and my life became unmanageable. This forced me to have to transfer schools and move back with my family in Texas.

While in Texas, I realized that partying too much was not my only problem, but that I could not stop drinking alcohol once I started. I basically used alcohol for my answer to everything. Alcohol became my escape for life. Two years and a lot of alcohol later, I finally gave in to my parents’ wishes and attended rehab. After some time, fast forward two treatment centers and several months clean from alcohol, I relapsed. When I relapsed I was not only drinking stronger alcohol and much more frequently but I was also introduced to using heroine which I liked a lot. Needless to say my heroine use and my drinking escalated extremely quickly. My life went down hill from there. I managed to attend four treatment centers wasting a lot of my parents’ money and having reservations to use the whole time there. My life became so unbearable that I just wanted to change, I didn’t care what I had to do, I needed to change my life or I knew I would end up dead or in prison.

Finally, I decided to choose life. I wanted to live life on life’s terms and I was determined to change no matter what I had to do. In 2008 my life started turning around and I completed another treatment center only this time I didn’t just go through the motions, I actually heard what needed to hear and addressed my character defects. I have also had the opportunity to implement what I heard and learned while attending Synergy Group Services. This last treatment center which I finally took seriously was the only one that worked. Until I came to Synergy I realized why I never was willing to hear what the other treatment centers were telling me simply that I had to change.

I have attended Synergy Group Services now for a month and I can honestly say this was the most crucial month of my life, this was the turning point where I either was going to be one of the success stories or just another statistic that relapsed. My mind was open and I was ready to hear what I needed to hear. Synergy has given me the confidence and the tools to believe in myself and exercise my potential to the fullest. I’ve realized that now I can not only be successful at completing what I started but have the courage to know I can lead a normal healthy lifestyle while remaining sober. The Synergy staff is extremely compassionate and dedicated which is exactly what I needed to be able to get over that last hump of believing in myself. My time at Synergy has been extremely beneficial towards my development into being independent and making right choices.

Addiction Therapy: A Personal Story

My gambling addiction began one afternoon last spring in 2008. Having time between appointments, I slipped into a casino to pass the time with less than $20.00 in my wallet.
I made a $ 2.00 bet; hit 4 corners, and won over $10,000.00. I couldn’t imagine how I would spend that extra cash; but soon found that it was gone; mostly back to the casino.

Suffering from economic difficulties due to a slump in the Florida Construction Business, I was determined to return time and again to “fix” our financial problems and to escape the woes of whatever else was bothering me. I figured my luck was “up” and continued to visit the casino expecting to win even more.

I continue through December to chase my losses to pay off old and new debts and to escape the worries that awaited me at home but to no avail…and then some!!

I arrived at Synergy Group Services, Inc, on February 5th of 2009. To my relief they identified my Gambling as “Escape Gambling”, assured me it was treatable and treated my Bipolar disorder with medication and therapy as well. Today I am feeling better than I have in years.

Alcoholism: A Personal Story

I have been put through a lot by this disease of addiction. It has eaten away at my body, my relationships and my finances. Now in my 10th day of treatment I am regaining hope for the future and learning to take care of my self. I wish I had arrived at this point earlier, but am grateful to have the opportunity, none the less to strive to reach my goals, start my life over, and live a life of recovery.

I know that what I have ahead of me is not going to be “easy” that’s why I am finally giving up my old ways of thinking and listening to my counselors and advisors for help and input. Addiction is not a way to live; rather a way to die; I am thankful to be alive and pray for those who don’t have the opportunity to get to a place of surrender and blessings of rehabilitation. I get the chance to change everything and live how I’ve always wanted to “live”.

My Life Story

I never thought I was an alcoholic. I thought I was a hard working physician, caring mother and loving wife. My story begins in my pursuit of my medical degree as a teenager. I did very well in high school excelling in all sports, clubs and academics. I began drinking at the legal age of eighteen. I then went to college where I found life and academics more challenging and less rewarding. I hid my inadequacies academically and socially by binge drinking and binge eating which eventually lead to bulimia. These were tough years. I made it through, eventually was accepted into medical school, residency and had a family. My drinking toned down and became more social. Life then, seemed to become more manageable. I even excelled again in my training and was elected chief medical resident. My life quickly changed again when I chose to join a practice out of state with four male physicians. It was a successful practice but I had constraints and felt inferior, inadequate once again. My drinking increased from social to more self-satisfying to alleviate the initial stresses of this new life style. The demands quickly rose, with increased patient load, hospital consults and less personal time. It became a vicious chaotic cycle. My home became my bar room. I began to drink in hiding, drink more often and in increasing amounts to cope with this.

Eventually my husband, then my best friend voiced concern and finally my family confronted me about my drinking. I was in denial. I refused to admit there was a problem even though I had tried to stop numerous times on my own. I had suffered too many consequences along the way. I failed friends, family, my practice and fooled myself all along. I disconnected with my family and the world in general. I had worsening self esteem and became more withdrawn. This spiraling came to a screeching halt one Christmas’ eve when I was arrested with a DUI. I put the precious life of my daughter and countless others on the line. Thank goodness no physical damage occurred; only emotional scars to heal.

I entered rehabilitation reluctantly yet scared. I was hardened by the years of numbing with alcohol. I had to learn that life is full of emotions and it is good to feel. I write this story while still in rehabilitation and in these few short weeks I do know that my life is different. I have a life free from the pain and degradation of drinking and denial. I want to keep this life of peace, serenity and tranquility that I have found. I want to take these principles and learn how to be a good mother, wife, and doctor but must remain honest with myself and remain sober.

An Addict's Story--In her own words

Before I ever tasted a drop of alcohol or inhaled a hit from a joint, I was an addict. I was addicted to chaos. From early childhood to present day, I've been addicted to chaos. I thrived on chaos; it was the only thing I knew. Chaos was normal. Chaos was my life. My life has been unpredictable, unstable; chock full of turmoil and unparalleled terror.

My mom's descent into alcoholism began for her at age 25. By the time I was born it was in full force. My earliest memories are of yelling, screaming, breaking glass, and sobbing. Mom would be kicked out or Dad would leave, or I would be sent off somewhere, confused and scared of my family.

At age 5, my uncle moved in with us to help out because my Mom was emotionally unavailable. My uncle began molesting me at that time and by age 7 I'd already been raped twice. this continued for years and I still suffer from silent screams that rage in my little soul.

I never knew safety. I desperately wanted to know safety. I never knew consistency. I desperately wanted to know that too. But how would I find those? Thus, alcohol entered the picture.

I was 18 when I began drinking and it became the love of my life. Before alcohol I was terrified of the unknown; built into a nervous frenzy shell of a person. I loathed myself and I loathed my life. But with alcohol I felt nothing. With alcohol I felt good. With alcohol I could breathe. I was comfortable in my own skin and I felt like I found my miracle.

My descent into alcoholism was quick. Within months I got laid off from my job, was in a few car accidents; was transported to the ER for alcohol poisoning; detoxed numerous times; got arrested for DUI; etc. I drank alcohol around the clock almost every single day. It was at that time that I was first referred to rehab which I heavily protested. After I left I went to two other rehabs; neither of which kept me sober.

Weeks before I came to Synergy I was held at gun point in a stranger's apartment. I was raped and beaten for 5 hours. I thought I was going to die that night. It was terrifying, but relieving. I didn't know how I felt- I was scared to die, but I welcomed it.

I hit rock bottom after that. I swallowed a full bottle of Trazadone (65 pills) and 2 pints of vodka. I woke up days later in the ICU. I had been intubated and in a semi-coma. My heart rate was 38. I was closer to death than I's ever been.

Coming to Synergy has truly saved my life. Cliché as that sounds, it is the truth. The people who work here CARE. They don't pretend to know everything but they know how to treat and heal people. I feel at home when I'm at Synergy. They are a very caring and loving group. I have never in my life met people like them who are willing to go to any lengths to help someone.

I've never been so grateful in my life. Do you need to find a home? A treatment center to feel warm and welcomed?

In His Own Words; George

"My name is George. I live in New Jersey. In Jersey I dreaded everyday waking up without my drug. I could not live that life any longer. I was miserable. I found myself selling off my most prized possessions and spending every dollar I made from work. I could not take it any longer. So I went to my Mother and asked her for help.

Asking my Mother was the best thing I could have ever done. she was supportive and offered to put me in a detox center if I was willing. The day she dropped me off at the detox was the happiest day of my life. When I got there I had the most positive attitude and took control of myself and looked at how my life was before detox and I would never like to go back to that. While I was in detox I spoke to my social worker and my Mother about moving to Florida to join Synergy Group Services. I felt as though that would be best for me to stay on my path to sobriety. I felt as though Synergy is going to be a great learning experience for me; to interact with other addicts living on the out side world and not in an inpatient place where there are no temptations. Synergy yesterday helped me realize who my closest friends and family are. They also showed me who aren't as close to me anymore That I would bring back to my circle of family and friends. Will Synergy help me stay on my path to sobriety?"

UPDATE: George spent 5 weeks at Synergy Group Services. After a rocky start during the first 10 days George showed remarkable improvements in his mental and physical health. His personal growth was nurtured by extensive individual and group therapies which allowed him to gain the insight he needed to feel confident about his recovery. All of this was aided by the recognition and treatment of his dual diagnosis that was fostering his drug use. George demonstrates several important principles about creating affective change in one's life: asking for help, choosing the right program, a commitment to change, intensive individual therapy, improving your mind and body simultaneously, addressing your dual diagnosis, and taking your time. George incorporated all these aspects into his treatment plan and stayed a little longer just to make sure he got it. He did and we wish him well.

In His Own Words

After years of alcohol use, the progressive us increased to a point where my life had become unmanageable. It was affecting my health and the relationship with my family and friends. Initially I attempted to attain sobriety o my own. This was a complete failure. After many bad episodes attributed to alcoholism, i realized that I needed professional help. through my family and my doctor I was directed to Synergy Group Services, Inc. for professional rehabilitation. This was the best decision I had made for myself, for a solid recovery and follow up care. I would recommend synergy Group Services, Inc. to anyone who is committed to recovery and getting their life back.

It is working for me!

Steve

An Addict's Story

Before I ever tasted a drop of alcohol or inhaled a hit from a joint, I was an addict. I was addicted to chaos. From early childhood to present day, I've been addicted to chaos. I thrived on chaos; it was the only thing I knew. Chaos was normal. Chaos was my life. My life has been unpredictable, unstable, chock full of turmoil and unparalleled terror.

My mom's descent into alcoholism began for her at age 25. By the time I was born it was in full force. My earliest memories are of yelling, screaming, breaking glass, and sobbing. Mom would be kicked out or Dad would leave, or I would be sent off somewhere, confused and scared of my family.

At age 5, my uncle moved in with us to help out because my Mom was emotionally unavailable. My uncle began molesting me at that time and by age 7 I'd already been raped twice. this continued for years and I still suffer from silent screams that rage in my little soul.

I never knew safety. I desperately wanted to know safety. I never knew consistency. I desperately wanted to know that . too. But how would I find those? Thus, alcohol entered the picture.

I was 18 when I began drinking and it became the love of my life. Before alcohol I was terrified of the unknown; built into a nervous frenzy shell of a person. I loathed myself and I loathed my life. but with alcohol I felt nothing. With alcohol I felt good. With alcohol I could breathe. I was comfortable in my own skin and I felt like I found my miracle.

My descent into alcoholism was quick. Within months I got laid off from my job, was in a few car accidents; was transported to the ER for alcohol poisoning; detoxed numerous times; got arrested for DUI; etc. I drank alcohol around the clock almost every single day. It was at that time that I was first referred to rehab which I heavily protested. After I left i went to two other rehabs; neither of which kept me sober.

Weeks before I came to Synergy I was held at gun point in a stranger's apartment. I was raped and beaten for 5 hours. I thought I was going to die that night. It was terrifying, but relieving. I didn't know how I felt- I was scared to die, but I welcomed it.

I hit rock bottom after that. I swallowed a full bottle of Trazadone (65 pills) and 2 pints of vodka. I woke up days later in the ICU. I had been intubated and in a semi-coma. My heart rate was 38. I was closer to death than I's ever been.

Coming to Synergy has truly saved my life. Cliche as that sounds, it is the truth. The people who work here CARE. they don't pretend to know everything but they know how to treat and heal people. I feel at home when I'm at Synergy. They are a very caring and loving group. I have never in my life met people like them who are willing to go to any lengths to help someone.

I've never been so grateful in my life. Do you need to find a home? A treatment center to fell warm and welcomed?