Why keep lying??

Honesty is the best policy. Sounds very black and white. Once you have entered treatment there is no more grey when it comes to honesty. There is no point in lying. There is no benefit. Everyone losses when the addict enters treatment and continues to lie.

The addict will give many reasons why they feel that telling the truth does more harm than good--afraid they will hurt their family is the most common--, but the reality is that they are just trying to protect themselves. The truth is however, that a lack of honest means that recovery will never be achieved.

Until you are ready to be honest you are not really ready for recovery. Whether you used 6 bags a day or 12; it doesn't matter. Whether you used 10 roxi's a day or 15; it doesn't matter. Continuing to deny that you hocked a family heirloom means that forgiveness will never come. With honesty comes forgiveness and with forgiveness comes starting over. It is when you and your family are ready to start over with a whole new clean state that recovery has a chance. That can never happen without honesty.

Perhaps most important if you can't be honest with yourself then you can never face your demons it if you don't face them---THEY WILL WIN. And you will lose!

Why Some Get It and Some Don't

They call us retreads which basically means that someone has been through treatment more than once without being successful through the different types of research suggesting that certain types of therapy and treatment can be more effective than others. From experience and being in recovery since 1987 I am what we call in the business a “retread” or someone that chronically relapses. I have gone through the best treatments in the world to the so called worse, including halfway houses and detox centers. My experience suggests to me that a multi modality treatment approach is the most effective however, is the aftercare component that plays a big role in the effectiveness of the treatment. There is a severe drop off in effectiveness.
Through research, we have learned that stepping a client slowly through a period of time is the most effective course of action, while continuing to attend self help group within the community, with people that can relate and can offer advise and suggestions. In my experience these are the individuals that are most likely to achieve long term recovery, yet the question still arises, why some get it and some don’t? People die, or go to prison or other institutions as a result of this disease. No one has an answer to this mysterious question, we as professionals must challenge ourselves to that question and seek the means necessary to find the answer to this question.
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Addiction Rock Bottom, Why does it have to be so deep?

Conventional “wisdom” in the field of addiction says that an addict often must “hit bottom” before they will be ready to begin the process of recovery. My question is, “Why does the bottom have to be so deep before that process begins?” Why wait until ones’ life has been completely turned upside down before you realize that you need help. Some would say that the consequences must be great before the disease of addiction finally sinks in. I would say that in most instances consequences don’t matter to an addict. If consequences mattered then the “bottom” would never exist at the point at which an addict’s life is essentially destroyed.

Recently a mother of 3 who drinks too much drank too much in front of her children. It was not the first time. It was not the second time. It has happened on enough occasions that the children could see it coming and implored their Mother not to let it happen. When it did happen they were justifiably upset and the following day the emotional burden was evident on their faces. Evident to everyone it would appear except their Mother. Clearly the Mother has made a choice that her children’s emotional well being is not as important to her as is her alcohol. Shouldn’t the pleas of her children to stop drinking be her “bottom”. Does she really have to wait for someone to get physically hurt or her children to get emotionally scared?

An alcoholic recently received her first DUI. Her attorney told her she did not need to enter treatment. Why not? Is the attorney waiting for her to dive deeper to her “bottom”? Why isn’t the first DUI deep enough? Shouldn’t this be a big enough wake up call to seek treatment before she ends up in jail or someone gets killed?

Lastly an addict in our program is about to lose his family. Estranged from his wife and children, unemployed and just starting to get the message that it is time for help. His problems started years ago but a sense of urgency to change the direction of his life is just catching up to him now. He is too late. His “bottom” is too deep for his family to deal with and they have moved on; emotionally and physically.

I am not sure how we can get the message out to everyone in need. Consequences alone will not do it. We see over and over again that addicts don’t get the message until the “bottom” is so deep that everyone that they care about is jumping ship. We must find a way to bring the “bottom” up to a more acceptable level before lives are destroyed.

There is an old saying, “A fool closes the gate after the horses are gone”. An addict needs to hit his “bottom” before it is too late. Don’t let the bottom be too deep and this won’t happen.

“It’s The Little Things That Can Cause Failure”

Once, many years ago one of my mentors mentioned to me “take care of the little things and all the big things will be taken care of.” This seems simple enough to say but sometimes very difficult for some of us to follow. In recovery from any addiction it seems that it is the little things that are not followed is what gets us into trouble. What is about not taking care of the little things in our recovery that leads us back down the road to relapse?

Conceptually when we take care of the little things it is usually a sign that we are also taking care of the big things that are important to our recovery. Why is it that when we stop taking care of the little things it seems shortly after that we stop taking care of the big things? And we all know what happens when we stop taking care of the big things in our recovery, we are no longer in recovery, but in relapse mode. Let’s attempt to examine why this downward spiral takes place. First question that needs to be answered is why do we stop taking care of the little things in our recovery? Do we become lazy, complacent or just don’t think we need to take care of these things because they just don’t seem important enough to warrant the effort?

My theory is that once we determine that some of the smaller responsibilities are no longer worthy of our effort, then shortly after that we have the mentality that the bigger responsibilities in our recovery are no longer worthy of our efforts also. In summary I believe what happens is once we deem the little responsibilities don’t need to be accomplished our minds soon tell us we don’t need to take care of any of our commitments in recovery, big or small. Recovery to be achieved must be taken very seriously and all the components of the recovery program, big or small, must be taken very seriously. So would you agree with one of my old mentors, “take care of the little things and the big things will be taken care of”.

To Hit Bottom or Not

As a family member of a loved one that has struggled with the disease of addiction I have spent twenty plus years researching treatment and program philosophies dealing with this issue of whether allowing your loved one to hit bottom or not. Many people in recovery relate their own experiences and what defining moment changed their lives to recovery. For many of these people the defining moment was hitting rock bottom. The realization that they have lost everything near and dear to them. They had no place to go and they had run out of options and therefore were accepting of a process that would lead them into a life of change and sobriety. In my opinion allowing someone to hit rock bottom is not without some serious potential incremental consequences. Leaving someone out on the street does expose them to serious consequences in the form of personal health issues, bodily injury from a criminal element as well as dealing with legal issues as a result of their own criminal behavior.

Is it better to rescue or “Let go, let God”? I could certainly make an argument that not allowing someone to hit rock bottom does make recovery and dealing with recovery issues much easier and simpler. Dealing with legal issues, health issues etc. can add to complexity of recovery. But as I previously stated many people believe that the concept of hitting bottom is necessary for many before recovery can start.

I have personally attended many Naranon meetings in which this very subject has been the focus of discussion. I can tell you personally there is no mandate for one course of action vs. the other. I will tell you the way any particular family may determine their actions in dealing with this situation often comes down to how they personally feel about leaving a loved one on the street or not is based on their philosophy of tough love or not. Will they have feelings of guilt if something untoward would happen to their loved one?
I have been in many Naranon meetings in which many members subscribed to the philosophy of getting their loved one off the street and getting them out of harms way and hope that they will be willing to go into treatment and start embracing a life of sobriety.

So in my humble opinion I’m not sure there really is a right or wrong answer to this question, but ultimately comes down to what the family is comfortable doing. What is your feeling on this subject? “Let go, let God” or rescue and hope your loved one is ready for recovery?

Trauma creates Drama, Drama inhibits Recovery

Trauma creates drama. It is unavoidable. In so many addicts when we peel back all the layers and finally get to the answer to the question "why" it is often related to trauma. The answer to the question "why" must always be found in order for recovery to occur but the answer is often a difficult one because that answer can cause so much pain. The trauma comes is all forms. Everything form family dynamics to sexual abuse to legal problems to psychiatric disorders. And so it is almost inevitable that unveiling that trauma will bring with it lots of drama.

Treatment success comes with keeping that drama to a minimum and not letting it interfere with the work that must really be done. In my time as a treating physician to those with a diagnosis of addiction I can absolutely tell you that the clients with the least amount of drama have the highest success rates. Two patients with the same circumstances surrounding their trauma may have completely levels of drama in their lives. I wish I could tell you what predisposes one patient to higher levels of drama than another but I cannot. It is occasionally a personality disorder. It is occasionally a psychiatric disorder. It is occasionally those "helicopter" parents--the ones who hover and coddle too much.

Today in the treatment center was a perfect example of how drama gets in the way of recovery. A patient who was doing so well for her first couple of weeks in the program let her drama disrupt not only her own program but the program of all those around her. The power of the mind is incredible and psychosomatic symptoms are over powering but it is really all just drama. Drama is more prevalent in the pessimistic personality--but how do you make a person optimistic?

I continue to look for the answers to the questions regarding the cure for drama. In the meantime keep the drama to a minimum and you will speed your recovery process.

Is One Lost Holiday really too Much to Pay?

What were you doing on Christmas Day in 1998? What was your favorite gift that day? Where did you spend Thanksgiving in 2001? In most instances an immediate response or a flashback memory does not come quickly to our minds. The warmth and joy that the holiday season brings us is not usually the result of one particular holiday. It is often not just Christmas day or Thanksgiving day by themselves that accounts for the emotion that surrounds the holidays but it is instead the totality of the season. Several weeks strung together when people may be a little bit happier, a little bit more friendly, and take a little bit more time to let the people around us know how we feel.The warmth we garner from the holiday season comes not from one particular holiday but rather from an amalgamation of many memories over several years grouped together to create nostalgia.

So what does it mean if you are missing this particular holiday season because you are in rehab? Is it ample cause to jeopardize your recovery by dropping out of your treatment program so you can be "home" for the holidays?

Addicts for the most part are very adept at putting road blocks up on their path to recovery. They can come with all sorts of reasons why this particular attempt at recovery is going to fail. Missing a holiday should never be one of them. If by missing one holiday this year you have a better chance of being sober for all future holidays then clearly the price is not too great. Family holiday celebrations can sometimes be trying even under the best of circumstances. Now add the drama created by both an addict and his/her family when there is a disparate need to enter a treatment program. The emotion in the room can shift 180 degrees when the addict skips the holiday for treatment rather showing up for dinner "using". Is the difference between hope and hopelessness.

Also keep in mind that for most addicts they have already "missed" many holidays even when they are home. As a result of using or drinking too much they have done everything but create an album of fond holiday memories for themselves or their family.

So here is your chance to start over. To get ready to start a new mental and emotional scrapbook of holidays to come by getting sober now. If the price for that to happen is one missed holiday then there couldn't be a better bargain around.

Cravings or Consequences : Who has more pull?

Unfortunately it is cravings. Hands down.

Over the weekend we admitted a new patient to our program who will not be spending Christmas with his 3 children for the first time ever. This is not his first treatment program. Hopefully it will be his last. His family has asked him to stop drinking on many occasions over the past 2 years. His job is suffering. His marriage is falling apart. Does he care? Of course he cares. The tears he had in his eyes as his family drove away were very real. the consequences to his actions are not sneaking up on him. They have all been laid out by his family. They are crystal clear. So why is he still drinking?

There is nothing unique about this story. His is not an exception to the rule. this is the norm. Every addict and alcoholic has a very similar one. So how do we shift the paradigm? How do we change the dynamic?

I don't know. Any suggestions?

Don't Pull the Trigger!

On several occasions in this blog I have made reference to the fact that in order to achieve long lasting and durable recovery an addict must answer the question "why do I use?". In most cases that answer is not so simple as to be only one item. the question is usually answered by several different contributors including psycho-social dual diagnosis and situations of time, place and content (or stressors) It is the time and place elements that I want to discuss today.

Ever hear the saying that "nothing good happens after midnight. How often do we hear that people we know or professional athletes get into trouble at 3 AM? NY Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress did not suffer his self inflicted gun shot wound in a NY nightclub at 9 PM. Not only was his timing off but his choice of locations on the night before a game can be seriously questioned. Putting yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time has potentially devastating consequences.

Timing and place are even more important to an addict. Understanding that in the midst of a vulnerable period like the early stages of recovery an addict must avoid situations of time and place that jeopardize that recovery. Clearly in most in instances addicts have impaired decision making skills and that is why it is even more important to avoid obvious triggers to relapse.

When talking to a heroin addict yesterday about her plans after the completion of her treatment program she said, "One thing I know for sure; I am not going home". She has finally learned after many failed attempts at recovery that her home environment is one of her biggest triggers and she will not put herself in that situation again. Contrary to that one alcoholic who left treatment doing beautifully just 2 weeks ago relapse while in Vegas. Why was an alcoholic in Vegas with just 6 weeks of clean time.

Understand your weaknesses. Think before you act. Don't pull the trigger!

"I am the best person I can be!"

But is that enough? In a recent episode of the Showtime series "Californication" the character "Cokey Smurf" is presented with her first temptation shortly after leaving rehab for cocaine addiction. At a party she is handed a cocktail and as she stares at it fighting the temptation to imbibe she says "I am the best person I can be". She then proceeds to pour the drink on the ground and the mini-crisis is averted.

But, again, is that enough? Is it good enough to simply be the best person we can be or do we have to do more? My feeling is that by saying we are already at a point where we are "the best that we can be" we are actually selling ourselves short. Particularly if it is shortly after exiting rehab. In a 4 week rehab program; and perhaps even ones of longer duration; our work is clearly not done. It is perhaps just beginning. certainly at that point an addict is in no way ready to pronounce that they are as "good as they can be". If, for instance, you are a believer in the 12 step program you certainly cannot work you steps that quickly. Even if you are participating in a more "holistic" program, regardless of the length of the program you are fall from the goal line and have a long way to go.

What would have happened if despite repeating her mantra, "Cokey Smurf" decided to take that drink. Would she simply say that "being the best person I can be" wasn't good enough. That may be true at that moment. That leaves you with two choices--give up because you will never be strong enough, or grow to be even stronger.

Personal growth is something that is vital to everyone. Addicts are not the only ones who must keep growing. Addicts and non-addicts alike should remain on a path of personal grow that has no limits. Lives that become stagnant and are absent of growth and development are ones that fail to experience all that life has to offer. All of us should squeeze all we can out of life and that requires a desire to move forward at all times ensuring that our own personal development remains limitless.

At any particular point in time as we take a snapshot of where we stand in our growth we should indeed be "the best person that we can be". But we should never be satisfied that we can stop there. Remember that "..life's like an hour glass glued to the table". It is never going to stop moving. We can't either. Keep moving forward.

An Alcoholic's Story--In his own words

I wound up at Synergy in West Palm Beach after basically giving up on almost all aspects of life. Job, wife, kids, and even the family dog; all given away. Now this didn’t develop in a matter of days or weeks. It developed over years of bad choices and decisions. I am an alcoholic, and have admitted it for some time, but I never really took action to treat my disease. Oh sure I went to AA, got a sponsor, and worked some of the steps. I even went to a treatment center in august of 2007. But it wasn’t until I gave away all the things in life that we cherish the most that it was clear I had to get sober for myself. If I don’t get better first nothing else will follow. This I am convinced. I need to get physically, mentally, and most importantly spiritually better so that I can reclaim my life that was at one time wonderful. I want to be a contributing member of society but nobody, and I mean nobody, wants a drunk for a father, husband, co-worker, or friend. It’s not that these people don’t care, but you have to want it and put effort in your recovery if you are going to get your life back and have it better than before.

I came down to Synergy not knowing what to expect and what I found was a great surprise and most importantly a huge relief. There was no pressure. Almost everything is taken care of for you and the staff here is top notch! As a person who likes being in control of all aspects of my life and is sometimes a “control freak” it was hard to let someone else “drive” for a while. At Synergy this was easy to do and for once I was able to really concentrate on myself and get ME better because if I don’t heal and get well no one in my life will. I’ve been told over and over you only have to give up 1 thing to get everything, and I believe it. I was also told at synergy to let go of those things I want back in life for now. They’ll come back if I do the work and get honest with myself. It’s not always easy on both sides of the therapy sessions, individual and group, but that’s a sign of progress.

Every day that I’ve been here my life has gotten a little bit better. Day by day, one day at a time, for all we have is today.

Now the question for me is “what to do next to progress in my recovery…”
I am sure Synergy will provide the guidance and support that is needed.

Anonymous

“Have a Very Merry Holiday Relapse?”

What’s up with relapse during the very merry holiday season? Do we see more relapse because those vulnerable to addiction feel lonely and left out even downright depressed during this very merry holiday season? Do we see more relapse because many are estranged from family during this very merry holiday season? Or do we see more relapse during this very merry holiday season because some people may just want to party one more time before the new year starts? Or do we see more relapse during this time of year for all of the above?

What can be done to help those in recovery not take that step towards relapse during this holiday season. First we can make sure that the person in recovery stays connected to all the positive things in their lives.

Staying close to sponsors, as well as family and friends that provide encouragement and support during the so called “very merry holiday season.”

Making sure the person is attending their NA or AA meetings consistently.

Observing behaviors and tell tale signs that relapse might be coming shortly. Relapse, as we know, starts weeks before someone actually picks up a drink or a drug.

Do not hesitate to tell your family member or friend what you are observing and engage in an open dialogue on what is going on.

Understanding that the very merry holiday season is not so merry for all. That people suffering from depression are more at risk for suicide during this time of year. Understanding that if someone is talking about suicide this behavior should not be taken lightly especially if the individual talking about suicide has actually thought out the manner in which to commit suicide. For those of us that have a loved one struggling with the disease of addiction we need to understand that depression, anxiety and other behavioral issues are very routinely present with addiction. Observing these behaviors can give us insight into prospective relapses especially during this season. Helping people get through this holiday season without relapse will certainly make for a truly “Very Merry Holiday Season” for them and their families and friends.

A day of Rest

It's Sunday. A day of rest. Yeah right!

Addiction does not take a day off. It is relentless and tireless. It never keeps moving. It never gives you a break. It wears you down and it becomes increasingly more difficult to stop the momentum. Becoming an addict is never a conscious choice. The use of drugs is, but becoming an addict is not. There are those who do not believe this. They are typically the same ones who believe that homosexuality is a choice. It is not. Who would possibly choose such a devastating world as the world of addiction. Science tells us more and more that people who are addicts are often put on that course by their underlying disease state and it is that disease that we must address in order to change the course of their lives. What must, however, become a conscious choice is rehab.

It is a rare phenomenon that an addict can change their stars without help. Occasionally in the absence of underlying pathology an addict can turn their life around by themselves. That is the exception not the rule. The rule is that addicts must be treated like any one else with a chronic disease state. They need help. and they need help within the structure of a well constructed treatment program. One that deals with every aspect of their disease and every aspect of their family.

Addiction never takes a day off but you have the opportunity to change its course.

Hurry up and.....relapse

If there was one very significant and meaningful piece of advice that I could give every individual who is entering a treatment program it would be to SLOW DOWN. More so than any other obstacle to full recovery it is an addicts sense of urgency to rush the process that gets in their way. Addiction did not start over night. It did not last just a couple of days or even weeks. Yet, when every addict enters a treatment program the question that is paramount in their mind is "When is this program over?"

The simple truth is that you cannot rush the process. Recent science tells us that it takes a minimum of 90 days to change a behavior. Teaching an old dog new tricks takes time. It also takes a team of talented, committed people in a well structured treatment program. These people are handcuffed if an addict tries to rush the program. Keep in mind that someone (family, loved ones, insurance companies, charities, and the government) is paying a lot of money to get the ball rolling and put an addict in such a program. Yet invariably the addict will try to rush the process. The addict will insist that they are OK and on their way to recovery. But it takes time. Every addict needs to take a breath and slow down. It is the speed at which they want to run through the program that becomes their biggest enemy.

It is completely understandable. Good therapy is uncomfortable. It is difficult to face your demons. It is difficult to see where you have been and struggle to get where you need to be. Success will be enhanced significantly if you slow down. Your brain is not paint color on a wall--it will not change with a simple stoke of the brush. Addiction behavior is the manifestation of complex physiologic, hormonal, endocinolgical, and even anatomical changes within the brain and that process typically took years to take the shape that it has on the first day of treatment. To change that dynamic is one that takes time. In Orthodontics teeth move within hours of placing of the braces yet the braces stay in place for many months to ensure stability of the mouth. That analogy is appropraite for the brain as well. The wheels of motion of change are set in motion in the first couple of weeks but change takes months to become permanent.

Slow down. Take a breath. Recovery is a process that cannot be rushed.

Time to cut the cord.

What truly is the definition of recovery? Is it the absence of drug use? I think not. Addiction comes in all sizes and shapes. It looks differently in different people. Addiction doesn't just mean doing drugs or alcohol and recovery doesn't just mean staying clean. It is very common that an addict substitutes one addiction for another or fails to eliminate all their addictions at once. For instance, an addict substitutes suboxone for heroin, clearly a better choice but a controlled addiction is still an addiction. Or while an addict is no longer using alcohol they may be addicted to other destructive behaviors that impair their recovery.

So what does recovery really look like. To me recovery means getting as far away from the world of addiction as possible. Not just clean. Not just free from your drug of choice. It means joining the real world. It means having a job, having a bank account, a credit card, a cell phone, and most importantly gaining independence.

The process of recovery so often gets in the way of that. Addicts don't live in the real world even when they are clean. They live in halfway houses for months and months and they become addicted to meetings. At some point in order to be truly clean, to be truly in recovery, an addict must stop going to meetings. Meetings are the addicts umbilical cord. It is a cord that must be cut. In order to truly be in the real world as addict must get as far away from other addicts as possible. To put the addict world behind them as far as possible.

Join the real world. Cut the cord. Give up the meetings. Until you do you are not really in recovey.

“Is Relapse Part of Recovery?”

When talking about the issue of recovery from drugs and alcohol the discussion inevitably will include the high rates of relapse and the causes of failure. Within this discussion the phrase “relapse is part of recovery” is often referenced. What is this “relapse is part of recovery” theory? Are we saying that in order for someone to achieve sobriety they must first go thru a number of failures? And the obvious question that begs to be asked is why does one have to fail the first time, second time or multiple times before uncovering the key to a successful recovery?

Does drug or alochol addiction cause a person to loose their intellectual ability? Does drug and alcohol addiction cause a person the loss of will to succeed? Is it that the draw of addiction is just too strong to ever conquer? Or is it that as far as treatment strategies go we are just missing something? Or in the final analyses is it the person just doesn’t want to be in recovery and just loves their life so much they just don’t want to change?

Let’s discuss the last question and put this concept to rest. That people addicted to drugs and alcohol love their life so much they have no inclination of changing their life style. Well for one, I don’t buy this premise at all. I don’t thing too many people knowingly choose a life of drugs and alcohol that destroys all that is valuable and meaningful in ones life. A life that leaves people without family, friends and material possessions. A life that causes people to act in way that is contrary to all that is taught by families, schools and religious circles.

This leads me to the potential conclusion that maybe people are consistently relapsing because the process of recovery as we now know it and understand it just doesn’t get the job done. Repeating the same process time and time again with the same inevitable results of failure should at least get us thinking of some alternative modalities of treatment.

What changes or different types of treatments do you think we need to make to increase the success of treatment?

Rule number one...Everyone lies.

One of the biggest mistakes that we all make is forgetting rule number one. Rule number two...no one tells the truth all the time. Period. There are no exceptions. NO matter how honest someone is. No matter how well you know them. NO one tells the truth all the time. Everyone lies.

Now think about an addict. Someone with guilt, someone with a vested interest in protecting their addiction. Someone who will endure the most significant consequences. Someone who has been willing to alienate their family and friends; lose their job; subject themselves to legal proceedings; imagine their motivation to lie.

As people who consider ourselves reasonable and honest the majority of time we must never truly trust anyone with an addiction. They are the ultimate manipulators. They pull us in and at times make us believe that they are the victims. That their issues are not their fault. That everything will be OK if we just give them the money they want, or a prescription that they need for pain medication (in their mind that pain is real!). Don't do it. Don't make that mistake.

Addicts must start at a place where we trust nothing and believe even less. We must make them earn every drop of respect. If we do this we will go a long way in helping their recovery.

"Just say No!"

During the Reagan years the so called war on drugs gained a lot of press when Nancy Reagan came out with the strategy of “Just Say No.” The Reagan administration appointed a drug Czar that would strategize and implement programs to reduce the abuse of drugs in our country. But what we saw on the tv routinely was Nancy Reagan discussing this issue and summarizing the strategy with “Just Say No.” So when my child started a life with drugs was I being naïve by saying “Just Say No?” When I would discuss this very private issue about my child with close friends they would say tell your child to “Just Say No”. Twenty years later I look back retrospectively and say to myself you got to kidding! “Just Say No” to teenagers when discussing substance abuse is like trying to kill an elephant with a sling shot.

I am a firm believer in open discussions with your children about the issue of drug abuse. Education is important and knowledge is power. And in some way we might be prudent and parenting appropriately when discussing drug usage with our children, but this process has limited ability to stop teenagers and their friends from experimenting drugs. Taking prudent parenting to the next level of adolescent drug usage prevention the following areas I feel are a necessity. Knowing where your child is at all times and with whom is a given. Discussing in an open fashion substance abuse is also prudent. But key is to educate yourself as to the tell tale signs and behaviors of teenagers when you are suspicious that something might be happening with your child experimenting with drugs. Following thru on with your parental instincts.
And I feel the most important rule of parenting is we do not have to be our child’s best friend, but rather parents first. Making the tough decisions that we know in our hearts is what is in their best interest. Parents first, best friends second.

“Just Say No” might have been a catchy phrase and sounds good, but as a strategy to prevent substance abuse with our adolescents, give me a break. When suspicious behavior raises your concern about substance abuse, be aggressive and proactive in finding out what is going on with your child as well as implementing swift and serious treatment. This might not sound catchy, but I believe is a much more appropriate way of dealing with your child when they are at risk for serious issues and consequences as a result of substance abuse.

" I like my glass of wine"

I heard it today. I hear it almost every day. A female in her mid 30's to late 40's and even older who everyday enjoys her glass of wine. What's the harm. It is the end of a long day--car pooling, working out in the gym, lunch with the girls, a quick trip into Nordstrom's, more car pooling, ballet class, dinner, homework. Who among us wouldn't need a glass of wine after a day like that?

Is a glass of wine really so bad? The medical answer is no. It has been very well documented that there are several health benefits to judicious use of wine. The definition to judicious wine consumption is 4-8 ounces of wine per day; preferably red.

So in the above scenario it is not so much the wine as the reason for the wine. What is hidden underneath this story is a lack of coping skills and the use of the glsss of wine as a "tranquillizer".

This is the secret addiction. White collar/Yuppie addiction. Cleaner and more civilized than a ball of heroin or a crack pipe. Yet there are thousands of house wives across America who are addicted to their glass of wine. they think they are much different from those who fill the ranks of addiction programs across the country but n reality they are not. Many of them become closet alcoholics who smolder for many years until the liver disease sets in. In reality they are luckiest when they get their second DUI (the first one is discounted) because then someone will do something about it before the irreversible illness sets in.

How many people do you know who can't go one day without a glass of wine. Who insist that it is just casual use--we know the truth. They usually do to. they just don't want to admit it.