South Florida and Palm Beach Addiction Treatment Center

A's Story

2009-12-27T22:38:00.002-05:00

"I was born at Lenoir Rhyne Hospital in Hickory, NC. on July 18, 1988 weighing about 14 ounzes. My grandfather called me "hugey" and my whole famly thought I was going to be fat. My first word was "Ma" on May 14th, 1990. I don't remember much of myself as an infant.

I began attending middle school at Viewmont Elementary, were we had a guinea pig as a pet in my homeroom class. My dad owned three dry cleaning stores in North Carolina and I would help him after school everyday on weekdays. On the weekends I would usually be at my moms place of work, The Church of the Ascension. She taught Sunday school and she was my teacher, so I was always on my best behavior.

My father was very into golf and became a Pro at Lake Hickory Country Club. We played in a lot of father and son tournaments when I was younger and we were pretty succesful. I also enjoyed playing tennis and took lessons and practiced with my family and friends.

I moved to Sarasota, Florida in 1999 and began to attend a small private school called Out of Door Academy, I shortly got kicked out and started to attend Cardinal Mooney, were I did pretty well in school. I enjoyed playing the bass and practiced all the time.

I started smoking that marijuana in the ninth grade and experimented with a lot of other drugs as well as partying and drinking on the weekends with friends. I got kicked out of Mooney on my Senior year for failing a drug test and got charged with possesion of marijuana and a knife in my car. I then finished high school at Sarasota High, This was easy and I graduated with a good GPA and shortly after I went to Gainesville to start college. There I did very well, eventhough I was smoking pot daily and drinking occasionally.

My life became unmanageable when I returned home to Sarasota and all of my friends were doing pills and hardcore drugs. My life went downhill and I went from snorting pills to smoking oxycontin and then came shooting them. I was heavily addicted to the rush and tried quitting on my own many times without success. My mom knew there was something wrong with me but I denied it, until she saw track marks on my arms. She tried to get me clean by sending me to detox, which I relapsed from immediately.

After realizing I couldn't recover in Sarasota, my mother decided to send me to Synergy Group Services, and I couldn't be any happier. I came here on December 2, 2009 and now here 24 days of sobriety under my belt and for the first time in many years I am enjoying being sober. I am going to be staying here for another month and plan on staying in West Palm Beach because the change in environment has been really good for me.

LL's story

2009-12-14T18:32:00.002-05:00

From what I can recall I thought I had a wonderful childhood, I remember how we raised Saint Bernard puppies and how I cuddled with them and rode them like ponies when they got older. We usually had at least two Saint Bernards and despite their drool I adored them and they became my playmates.

I did have an older brother and sister (half siblings), but they were always doing chores and I guess I was too young so I was left to play by myself. My father was really strict and my mother was always trying to protect my brother and sister, therefore her time with me was very limited, "not now Lynn" was a very common statement.

My first recollection of a weight issue was in day camp when I was in the 6th or 7th grade, I was called buck teeth and thunder thighs, I began drinking diet 7 up and exercising. my mother has always exercised every morning and I just copied what she did. My mother has always watched her weight and exercised as long as I can remember; she also had always hid food under her bed and in her closet so to me that was normal.

In early high school I would try not to eat all day and then eat downstairs by myself at night. My brother and sister had both moved out when I was younger to get away from my father so I was left with a very depressed mother ( who hid in her room) and a very lonely father (who was very bitter).

I cannot actually recall the first time I binged and purged but it must have been on the 10th or 11th grade, so about 15 or 16. I thought it was great to be able to eat and still not get fat so that became my new routine and practically my life, school, home, binge, sleep, binge, watch tV, and bed. I still had friends but didnt really hung out with any of them.

At 16 I got a job as a car hop, yes, I did wear roller skates. I am not sure if working around food was the best job but that is what I did for the next ten years or more. I did manage to go to college but I lived at home so I could live with my food. School, work, and food then I added alcohol.

So I graduated from colleege eventually with an english and paralegal and still continued to live at home and weitress; to this day I still live next door to my mom and dad, I think I may still be trying to get their approval. My parents love me in their own way, they have not actually ever said it so although my mom tries to say it I dont really feel it but I still keep hoping.

I have been to different therapists throughout the years, as a child I think I was depressed so my mother took me to different therapists, but I was never really honest I was just happy to spend time with mom and have the attention.

Perhaps my disease started out to get attention and then it turned into an addiction. After almost spending more than half of my life I am ready to spend the next half of my life healthy and happy.

I am here today at Synergy Group Services to begin a new life of happiness the old Lynn with bad habits will always be remembered to teach the new Lynn how wonderful and happy and healthy life can and will be.

My Story

2009-12-14T18:23:00.002-05:00

“I remember smoking my first joint by the wood stairs when I was eight years old. That summer I asked my father who owned a bar and gas station, if my brother, cousin, and myself could have a beer from the fridge in the garage. He said “drink all the beer you want” as he laughed.

As I walked I walked away in front of my family telling them I would hate the taste, my brother, cousin and I two to three beers each. We all enjoyed feeling the grown ups at the party at our home on the lake. Some more partying, some more drinking, except we no longer asked, we just assumed it was ok. Then one day my dad caught us in the garage getting drunk and screamed at us with out cousin being told to get his “god damn ass out of the garage”. My brother and I were beaten as per usual and sent to our rooms which was worse because it as noon on Saturday and we knew we couldn’t leave until at least a week, except to eat and use the bathroom. My brother and I never, ever got the message. We always drank and smoked pot from that day on.

I had a friend who let me grow marijuana with him and I sold it to fellow students and high school students who were right directly next door to our junior high. I would hide it in the drop ceiling in the boy bathroom, then carried it in my gym bag, then I got into a fight in one of my classrooms and was told to go to the office. I refused because I had a half a pound of weed in my gym bag, needless to say the principal came down and got me and said “bring the gym bag”. After finding my stash he called my father and he was there in no time. He walked into the office, bitch slapped me across the face and kicked me in the shin. The principal stood up and said “Mr. Millard I am not going to have any of that in here” my father screamed “sit the F*** down, I am running the show here”, he turned around and kicked me and slapped me again!

I was suspended for ten days, I pushed and shoved all the way to the car. He took me straight to the barber and shaved my head which was past my shoulders, then he took me in the car, punching me on me my legs and ribs, slapping me on my face, the whole way home. When we arrived home he made take my door off my bedroom and screamed at me for hours. This didn’t work, I drank even more, I felt worthless and I started working our like a mad man, running four miles a day, lifting weights and rowing my boat around the lake. I was training to kick some a**!

I was suspended ten times for beating up people by the ninth grade. I was drinking a fifth of whiskey a day with my friend doing the same. This was the only time I made the honor roll. Nobody knew I was drunk, I sat calmed and listened. I quit smoking pot in the tenth grade due to paranoia and not being able to approach or be around girls. My drinking continued yet I excelled in sports and fighting, I was brought up to varsity football as a Sophomore and was kicked off the team for coming to practice drunk. I also made the varsity basketball team as a sophomore and was kicked off for the same reason.

After high school I continue to fight and drink for a short time until I was arrested twice for beating up people and was charged with drunk and disorderly. My life was out of control. Then things went from bad to worse, my mother left my father and I decided to move in with her, she told me that if the porch light was on I could not come home. I spent many night sleeping in my car. One night my father jerked the door opened and asked me what the hell was I doing? I told him the truth. He said “come back to my house, your mother is smoking crack and dating a drug dealer”. This just floored me because my mother never drank or drugged, she was a health nut athlete. I started drinking to the point of black outs and fighting every time I went to parties, drove on the road and knocked a janitor out cold in a small bathroom.

In 1986, after that I knew I had to leave Michigan. I moved to Florida and got a job and became sober. Obsessed with working out four hours a day six days a week drinking was now binge drinking only on the weekends. My life was better being away from all the drunk friends, and my mothers crack problem. In 1989 I got married to an Irish girl whom I had gotten pregnant. We had met a year earlier and partied like rock stars.

I was a good father and loved my wife, my drinking was still there but I would never black out, I only drank once every other weekend, six to eight drinks tops. My marriage ended in divorce due to my wife cheating on me, I was devastated. I had also been having major health problems since 1990 due to a surgeons negligence, leaving a clip on my bile duct for four days during gal bladder surgery, resulting in fourteen operations including bypass surgery.

I met a Christian girl in 1997, lived a basically clean life, sang at our church and loved all my kids like crazy. We grew apart in 2000 due to the fact that she never worked once in three years. I paid child support and supported her and I working seven days a week. By then I didn’t want a relationship. I was scared of women and didn’t have any long term relationships for six years. Partying the hardest I had ever had before. I was so lost and lonely and I felt I would never meet someone. I always met very beautiful women all the time but would be afraid to get hurt. I hurt a lot of people so I would just go out and get drunk. By then my mother had been using crack on and off for twenty years and was really ill and was now drinking hard because her twin sister died of cirrhosis of the liver from alcoholism that year yet she continued to drink. This drove me crazy and made me feel like a piece of s***!

On February of 2006 I received a phone call from my first love, Cathy who lived in Orlando. I went to visit her two weeks later for a drink. We sat at the dinner table after not seeing each other for twenty years, put our head together and held hands, it was beautiful. Like we were in 1982, we dated for a year, long distance. She saw my drinking problem and instantly put and end to it, and I stopped, she cheated on me. Heartbroken as I was it only lasted about a month. We lived so far, 182 miles apart with careers we couldn’t possibly leave, we both knew in our hearts it would end we just never talked about it. The night we broke up I drank until I blacked out. Did that for two weeks on and off and then decided to get a second job to keep myself on track, I did that until November of 2007, when I met Kelly.

We met at a bar and moved in together two months later. I drank with no control because she didn’t know me and my problem. She never really once got intoxicated, staying in control yet having fun with me. I soon learned after falling in love that I had made a mistake. She was cold and unloving. I was left to do all the house work and responsibilities around the house. Laundry, dishes, mop the floors, garbage, mail, etc. The worse problem was the loneliness I felt. I couldn’t leave, my heart was so in love with her. She didn’t go out to bars and didn’t cheat on me. For once, someone faithful. I had to put up with her faults. After a year of this and her being gone from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. and sleeping all day and sometimes three days in a row I would get so lonely, I would tell and justify in my head looking back now, that I can go and have a couple of drinks, but it would turn in to twenty or thirty. Sometimes missing work.

I have put her through a horrible time I have been hurt as well but take full responsibility for her leaving me, yet, I found myself so hurt and lonely. I am focused and so grateful that I convinced my case psychologist to put me in PHP instead of IOP so I could get the tools that I needed to take this plan I have, one day at a time”.

Terry's Story

2009-12-14T18:18:00.002-05:00

“I was born and raised in Freeport, Long Island. Soon to move and settle in a beautiful new development named “tree area” in Hauppauge, N.Y. My biological family included Richard, Anita, Nancy, Timothy and I.
My early years were great. Very fond memories of playing especially baseball, but I was a bundle of fire from the get go. We had a retention pond across from my house which we called the sump. My second home “the sump” was truly a wonderful thing, we created a little eco system in there. We would ride our bikes to Blydenberg Park and catch fresh water bass, trout, sunfish, carp and catfish, which we would bring them, back to the swamp where they took off and grew to be a great fishing area.
I played little league baseball in which I excelled very fast. School was another story, I really have too much interest I did minimal requirements to graduate and all my electives were home economics, wood shop, or auto mechanics. Most were home economics, because I love food and I was the only guy in the class.
I smoked my first cigarette at age 12 and got sick as a dog but by age 15 it had become an everyday thing. I got drunk for the first time at age 14, we went over to a friend’s house and his parents were not home. We took a bottle of scotch and Brian and I drank most of the bottle. I do not remember much of that night, but I will never forget the shame, regret and sick I felt the next day. Around the same time in the tenth grade I smoked my first joint. I did not feel a thing. The next day at lunch period I smoked another joint with Mike and when we went back inside everything was echoing and I felt as if I was on a “really good trip”. I really truly enjoyed it. Of course looking back now, it was a pathway to my destruction lasting the next 32 years. In March, spring tour, when the tour bus came by I got on and that is when it all began, I found Jerry Garcia and The Grateful Dead.
The Grateful Dead was a major part of my life for 14 years. The Dead would tour 3x a year, spring, summer, and fall. My geographic boundaries in which I followed them scanned from Buffalo down to Virginia and out to Ohio. I would guess I saw around 300 shows until Jerry Garcia died on August 8, 1995. His death was attributed to a heart attack, while in Rehab. I guess that life style was not healthy and he also was obese and a drug addict.
Rewind and Recap:
I graduated Hauppauge High in 1980, leaving with my high school sweetheart Cathy. We started dating when I was 16 and she was 15. We were together in what I considered a wholesome relationship, I was in love with her, but it did not last. In my third year of college we had been a couple for about 7 years. At this point she wanted to get married. I told her my plans were to finish college and get a job and after I have saved some money we could take the next step. She was not content with this, so inevitably we went our separate ways. I was truly heartbroken, and went camping foe about 12 days by myself and tried to fill that hole in my heart with Pot and Beer. Eventually I got over her and graduated from Brooklyn Polytechnic University with a Bachelors of Science in Civil Engineering.
While I was in school I was working at the “Tool Warehouse” as a salesman, stock person and when we grew, 3 new stores were built in Long Island. All during college I had to work to pay tuition. So I was determined because it was money that I was spending. I did not have the luxury of getting a free ride from my parents, like most of my classmates. Being one that did not have any formal math or science coming out of high school, I really had to work hard to get through college.
During college I met a girl at the Tool Warehouse named Maryanne. She was, as it turns out, on of the best things to happen in my life. To this day she is my best friend. She came from a family of 13 siblings, very religious and family orientated. I would like to call her a “friend with benefits”. In the beginning and for years to come, she always seemed to keep coming back into my life. As she said “I am like a wart on your ass that won’t go away.” She was there for me always when I needed somebody in my life to talk to.

In June of 1992 I had crossed the line this was the first time I had tried Heroin. It was casual, recreational at first but soon turned into a love affair lasting 17 years. When I was hooked on Heroin it took my family 3+ years to find out, and the only way they found out was by getting a call from a police officer telling them I was arrested in lower Manhattan for possession of narcotics. Mean while my family was waiting at home to surprise me with a birthday cake. But, instead, they got a phone call. I was really pissed that no one in my family knew the turmoil I was in. they had started suspecting something was up, but they did not know what exactly was going on! It took my getting arrested and a court ordered detox to see my demise. I was carrying such a load for a long time and knew if I did not dump it soon I would go crazy. So up pops Maryanne into my life again. She truly is wise beyond her years. I finally broke and revealed my other half to her before getting arrested, and it felt like a ton was just taken off my shoulders. I was not ready to stop so I asked Maryanne to pick me up two hours after I was released from the Beth Isreac Detox so I could cop. I regressed to my old ways almost instantaneously. I found out that the vortex gets quicker and harder each time I fell back to my old ways.
I finally decided to become a better functioning drug addict. I got of the hard stuff and entered a methadone maintenance program on 1st ave. and 9th street in Manhattan. I was working in the area at the time so it worked into my schedule. I then became a really good functioning drug addict. My dual life was seamless, and I thought I could continue this path with no trouble, but I was mistaken again. My last ex, Lisa, who I went to college with, we had a good relationship at first but it ended bad. She had bought her parents house in Merrick, L.I. N.Y. We had a dog Colby, mix of Lab and Pit Bull. He is a great dog. We often would go to an animal shelter and feed all the dogs, who we would as it turned out, we would take into our house and love him to death. “Monty” was Carpee and Pit bull mix. He was a gush and we were head over heals with him.
In 2005 we went to Lisa’s parents house located near Cornell University. They had roughly 100 acres in which dogs loved. They ran around chasing critters and us chasing them. We all had a great time there, except the weekend of april 20 something 2005. Monty was running and playing as usual, I was reading a book with coffee. My morning ritual. But this turned out to be one of my worst mornings. I was doing my M.O and the dogs were doing theres, when all of a sudden I saw a new white caddy driving up the road and I heard a thud. I thought the worst and it ended up being even worse then I could have expected. The lady in the Caddy had hit Monty, at first he did not appear injured. He walked across the street to me and within 5 minutes died in my arms. The grief was nothing I have ever felt.
We went home but I was never the same and I knew it never would be the same. About 2 weeks later, I got this incredible pain in my chest and thought I was having a heart attack. I let it go and it went. Then it happened again and when these attacks started coming 5 times a day I went to the doctor. He diagnosed me with having a Panic Attack Episode. Not a heart attack. This diagnosis he prescribed Xanax. I had no more panic attacks, but a new addiction had arisen. My fault because I did not do my homework and read about the drug. I came to find out how dangerous and addictive it was.
I was now progressing in a merry go round I could not get off. I was on two addictive drugs now and felt hopelessly lost and no one to turn to but my best friend Maryanne. My ex Lisa did not know about the Xanax until I was on it for 3 years, and taking 8mg per day.
The shit hit the fan when one day I really wanted to get high. I knew if I did opiates I would not feel the effects with the methadone, so I ended up smoking crack. Wrong move again!! This led to my ultimate demise. I got into it heavy and lost everything, my girlfriend, my family, my job, myself. I knew I was in trouble, but little did I know how much.
The end came when I crossed a line I never would have dreamed I would cross. I was always lucky enough to support my own habit, but like I said I lost everything and money was scarce. I turned to stealing to fill that empty feeling. I had in my own mind crossed the concrete wall I thought I would never be able to cross. I took jewelry from my sister and brother in law, to get a fix.
I knew I hit rock bottom “Pun Intended”. I researched rehab places. I did not know my sister was also doing the same and we both converged on a place called Synergy Group Services, Inc. At first I thought to myself, “this sounds too good to be true”. But after I went to Palm Beach I realized this is the place I needed to be in, but I had one last task to fulfill. I had to confront my sister and brother in law about what I did in order for me to get what I needed out of rehab. I did it, and it was the most difficult thing I had to do. But I had to do it before I get better. Then “knock, knock” I was home at Synergy Group Services, Inc. and was welcomed with opened arms”.

His Story

2009-12-14T18:14:00.002-05:00

My name is Kevin. . I am twenty one now and times are tough but I have a very optimistic view for the future as a sober being. When I was younger, I was active in many sports and every sport I played. I was one of the best! I learned how to ride a bike very young and was pretty dependent as a 4-6 year old. I remember leaving the house without telling anyone and I would go to a friend’s house. In elementary school, I had good remarks and I played basketball, soccer, baseball and football with my friends.
After sixth grade I switched schools because we moved. I had to leave all of my friends behind, which made me very sad. It took some time but I adjusted to the change.
At 14yrs I attended a big high school called Lakewood High. There, I played Varsity Golf my freshman year and was number four on the team. We set all kinds of records. My grades also were good in the ninth grade. My sophomore year was a bit different. (I never skipped class), but for some reason I started skipping and my grades started falling. During that period I was tested for ADHD and found out that I had it. Being diagnosed with that my parents decided to switch me to a smaller private catholic school called Cardinal Mooney. I loved it there, it was the best decision that could have been done. There, I became very religious, played Varsity Golf and Basketball. It was the best time of my life. I rarely partied and did no drugs. During my free time I played basketball all night and golfed all afternoon. I was very active and independent. I started to chew and use tobacco when I was 16 years old, but when I took up baseball I quit smoking to chew.
I feel that my addiction started when they prescribed me adderall for my ADHD. The first time that I ever smoked pot was with my two sisters and my aunt. After that I never really tried smoking for a while. But after I graduated high school I began to smoke a little. It wasn’t until my 19th birthday that I began smoking more. And at about that time everything started going downhill.
On August 30th 2007 I had about a dozen people at my place for my birthday and when the night ended there was a girl that was going 80mph with no seatbelt, crashed into a tree and died. I got charged with open house party and that really hurt me. That school year was over, I moved back home and started to work, play golf more and go to school. On October 2008, I began using Roxy’s. By February I told my parents I had a drug problem. I did a four day detox and stayed clean for a bit, but for the next four months I was on and off roxy’s. by June 1st I was using everyday and my addiction began to control me and everything around me. I began stealing more and although I was lying to everyone. I began lying even more.
Even with my addiction, I was able to have a 4.0 gpa and I would practice golf everyday. So I guess I just felt that it was ok.
By august, I began shooting Roxy’s again and using more. I turned 21 on August 30th, the morning after I was in jail. With possession charges.
My life was Fxxked up and now I am dealing with everything head on and I know if I can beat this, then I can achieve anything.

Hopes and Dreams

2009-12-14T18:10:00.002-05:00

“When I was a young child I had many hopes and dreams, I wanted to go to college and play sports, meet the girl of my dreams, get married and maybe have children. But then at the tender age of eighteen I found something that made me feel better that anything I had experienced before, crack cocaine. The euphoria was unbelievable but what I didn’t know is that it would take everything I owned, and then it took my soul. It took away all the moral and values I had when I was young.

I went through numerous rehabs and went to jail numerous times. What crack didn’t tell me was that it would take away every hope and dream I had. My addiction told me it would stick with me and make my problems go away, including feelings, it took my soul away, and once it was done with me it tossed me away like a piece of trash.

I am not the only one, millions of people suffer from the disease of addiction and most need help to stop, without this help most will end up in jails, institutions and even dead. How many people do you know that have lost their battle to this disease and lost all their hopes and dreams?”

My Life Story

2009-11-11T18:31:00.002-05:00

“I was born in Brooklyn, N.Y. in 1978. I was a very happy boy growing up with two loving parents. I was especially tight with my dad. He was a caring and loving dad who never forced me to do anything. He always knew I would make the right decisions on my own. I lived in New York for eight years and then in New Jersey for another eight years. I loved growing up in New Jersey, it was a small town, I was very popular. I never bothered with drugs, I was into sports. I smoked weed when I was 16 years old for eight years pretty steadily. I also experimented with other drugs but never did them regularly. Like cocaine, ecstasy, and acid a couple of times.

When I was 17, I lost my father in a drunk driving accident. I was devastated when my dad died. My father was my idol and he loved his kids. I was actually supposed to be in the car with him that morning but my uncle called me the night before to drive with him to work, so I am sure I have guilt of not being able to stop him from driving that day, because if I went with my father I would have held him up for ten minutes, because I would always make him late.

Its been 13 years since my dad passed and I feel a lot better, of course I still miss him, but ever since my son was born I felt like a load was lifted off my shoulders, plus I kind of think my dad was reborn into my son and he will always be in my heart. Also everybody in my family and friends say that I am the spitting image of my father, that makes me feel really good and I think my brother resents me for that because he is more like my mother.

At 20 or 21 years old I started having back problems. Turned out to be a herniated disk at L5 S1 discectomy. That was very unpleasant because for two years after surgery I was bed ridden pretty much. I couldn’t work and I was in constant pain 24 hours a day, I was scared because the told me a lot of bad news. I didn’t know who to believe, the arthritis specialist told me I have spondolitis and the Doctor that did the surgery on me said that I had the back on an 80 year old man. I ignored the Dr.’s and went for the New York Yankees single “A” baseball team for try outs. Its always been my dream to play for them and my dream came through for two years. I was the happiest guy alive smiling from ear to ear, my coaches always said they wished some players had my heart and determination. I bleed baseball especially white and navy blue pinstripes, its been like that my whole life. I used to have my own field of dreams in my backyard, my friends would always tease me and call me “benny the Jet Rodriguez” from that movie called The Sandlot.

Anyways, when I turned 29 years old the best thing in my life happened, I became a dad to the best little boy in the whole world, I love my son so much and its so hard to be an addict and try to be a dad to him. I hate that this disease has taken over my life. It stops me from being the dad I should be, when I am in pain I cant hold my son to comfort him, it breaks my heart. I have to do something about that because nothing is going to stop me from being a great dad. Now that I am level headed and off the drugs my mind is back to being a responsible parent instead of worrying about how am I going to get my next pill so I don’t get sick. I miss my son so much and my new baby girl Guliana, I haven’t even held her yet, she is definitely daddy’s little girl, she looks just like me, I am proud of myself for having two healthy great kids. I am the luckiest man in the world and I know that. Now I just have to step up and be the best dad I can be. I have always set high expectations for myself, I guess is the competitive spirit in me, plus I know already that my little girl is a fighter like me, she is my little miracle at 32 weeks old.

I have to continue my education and get a steady job so I can support my family, I know I can do it too, I just have to roll with the punches in life. I realize there is always going to be ups and downs in life, I just have to know how to deal with them.”

My Life Story--Robert

2009-08-23T20:15:00.003-04:00

Her Story, Her Words

2009-06-14T19:47:00.001-04:00

I came from a family of four. My mother, father and older brother lived in the same town all of my life. My mother was a school teacher and during my elementary years I attended the school she was working at. For the first few years it worked well, but by the time I was in the fifth grade I started acting up, so I was sent to a private middle school.
As for middle school it was not comfortable. Always wanting to fit in trying to find my place. I remember I was the class clown and my grades struggled because of that. Boys also became a big deal.
In the 7th grade I started Jr/Sr High, this is when I was first introduced to drugs. My mother was always home. When I came home from school I hung out at the neighbors, where the parents were divorced or not home, so we were able to have more freedom to experiment with boys and drugs.
During the next several years most of the time I was in trouble. (I see not the correlation between drugs and trouble).
I had big plans for high school, but most of my dreams and ideas never worked out. From not making cheerleading to boyfriend breakups, I always managed to mess things up.
I had a stable family life, my parents are very happily married and always providing the best they could. At 16 yrs. I started working at the local mall but continued the gravitation towards peers that partied.
My parents attended college and always encouraged me and my brothers to do the same. My brother was never interested, but I couldn’t wait. Even though my grades weren’t very good, I was still able to attend college. I attended community college and earned an AA degree, then I transferred to a state university. From there life got better and better. I quickly became involved in campus life and through the involvement of my sorority I started developing into the person I wanted to be. My academics where always average but I managed to earn a BA degree in merchandising. I also developed friendships that I still cherish today.
After college I landed a job in South Florida where I always wanted to live. Even though retail didn’t pay very well, I managed to make ends meet. The 1st few years I shared an apartment with one of my sorority sisters. I also had a part-time job teaching aerobics. I had a love for fitness, so this was something I enjoyed.
Two years out of college I met my future husband. He was the man of my dreams. He had similar qualities as my father who I always admire.
We dated for 2yrs when he finally popped the question. I had always dreamed of marriage, children and living happily ever after. My dreams had come true. We married about a year later and life was great. Although we had our ups and downs we shared the same ideas and dreams. Life was good to us.
During the course of the next six years we were blessed with 3 children, each 2 yrs apart. Two boys and a girl. My husband had a strong work ethic. We were both raised in a family which our mothers stayed home while the children were young. This was something we both felt strongly about and we where fortunate enough to do the same.
Although I had no idea my life was about to take a turn for the worse. About the time my kids were about 6, 8, and 10 yrs old I had minor surgery. My Dr prescribed me pain medication for the post surgery. This was the start of my addiction to pain pills.
At first I would take an occasional pill for fun and before I knew it a few years had passed and I was taking them on a regular basis. The more I took, the more I needed. I had always enjoyed drinking alcohol (to much most of the time) but with the pills I was out of control.
The next thing I knew I was going to various doctors and lying to get a prescription. Even though I knew my addiction was very wrong. I rationalized my behavior. For many years I was able to function in raising a family and everything associated with it.
When the children were 10, 12, and 14 yrs. my husband got offered a job requiring relocation to my hometown where my parents still lived. My parents were getting older so we felt this would be a good opportunity for them to watch the children grow. Although my husband and I agreed to the decision to move, and I knew it was the right thing. My heart wanted to stay. We had lived there for fifteen years and it was full of happy memories. Initially, the move was exciting. My mother and I where very close and always wished we lived close to each other. Many changes came with the move both good and bad. We where able to afford a beautiful home in a very nice neighborhood and my husband had a good job.
Even though we had everything we could dream of, I was unhappy inside. I see now this is when my life started to become unmanageable.
At first, I was able to feed my addiction through the mail, but it soon became difficult. Over the next year I had weaned myself from the pain pills with methadone. Unfortunately, my addiction changed to alcohol. My drinking became bad if not worse, then my pill addiction. about a year later my mother became ill and passed away. Not only was I devastated from the loss of my mother, I was an alcoholic. I stared going to AA and continued for about a year. I finally realized I was not really doing for me but actually for my family. After several months of turmoil with my husband I started lying (to myself and Family) about my recovery. It was then I started back on the pills.
Over the next few years my addiction became so bad my life was upside down. I was unable to keep daily life going with out a pill. At this point I was so addicted that I would do almost anything to feed my addiction. I was a busting our finances (which my husband worked so hard for). Several times I tried to quit but with out success. I had been so deceitful for so long I couldn’t bring myself to ask my family for help.
By this time the children were 14, 16, and 18 and I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. Between all the pills and the alcohol and lying I was exhausted. I turned to the local methadone clinic. I knew it would be hard to keep this from my family and husband, because I had to go on Saturdays a week each morning by 9am for a daily dose. It was just a matter of time before I would die if I didn’t get my family involved. About ten days into the methadone, my husband confronted me, that’s when everything came down at once. the worse part was that I still couldn’t find the courage to tell the truth. Not only had I really killed myself, I had ruined my husbands trust forever and rightfully so.
The next couple of weeks were horrible, not only had I done this to myself. I managed to bring down my family with me, the one who loved me the most, and I still fought the truth, but I couldn’t fight any longer. I had reached bottom or at least it felt like it.
I research the local rehab facilities in the area. I researched the various drugs available to help with my conditions. Finally, two days before I was to start I learned about Synergy Group Services located in West Palm Beach, so I went, It was a Blessing.

KB

Why keep lying??

2009-06-08T21:05:00.005-04:00

Honesty is the best policy. Sounds very black and white. Once you have entered treatment there is no more grey when it comes to honesty. There is no point in lying. There is no benefit. Everyone losses when the addict enters treatment and continues to lie.

The addict will give many reasons why they feel that telling the truth does more harm than good--afraid they will hurt their family is the most common--, but the reality is that they are just trying to protect themselves. The truth is however, that a lack of honest means that recovery will never be achieved.

Until you are ready to be honest you are not really ready for recovery. Whether you used 6 bags a day or 12; it doesn't matter. Whether you used 10 roxi's a day or 15; it doesn't matter. Continuing to deny that you hocked a family heirloom means that forgiveness will never come. With honesty comes forgiveness and with forgiveness comes starting over. It is when you and your family are ready to start over with a whole new clean state that recovery has a chance. That can never happen without honesty.

Perhaps most important if you can't be honest with yourself then you can never face your demons it if you don't face them---THEY WILL WIN. And you will lose!

Why Some Get It and Some Don't

2009-06-04T23:03:00.001-04:00

They call us retreads which basically means that someone has been through treatment more than once without being successful through the different types of research suggesting that certain types of therapy and treatment can be more effective than others. From experience and being in recovery since 1987 I am what we call in the business a “retread” or someone that chronically relapses. I have gone through the best treatments in the world to the so called worse, including halfway houses and detox centers. My experience suggests to me that a multi modality treatment approach is the most effective however, is the aftercare component that plays a big role in the effectiveness of the treatment. There is a severe drop off in effectiveness.
Through research, we have learned that stepping a client slowly through a period of time is the most effective course of action, while continuing to attend self help group within the community, with people that can relate and can offer advise and suggestions. In my experience these are the individuals that are most likely to achieve long term recovery, yet the question still arises, why some get it and some don’t? People die, or go to prison or other institutions as a result of this disease. No one has an answer to this mysterious question, we as professionals must challenge ourselves to that question and seek the means necessary to find the answer to this question.
FOUNDER SYNERGY GROUP SERVICES

The Addict That Should Have Listened

2009-06-03T21:46:00.001-04:00

Many years ago I was sent to a drug rehab facility in Florida, at the young age of sixteen. There, I wasn’t sent by my parents and of course I thought I knew everything there is to know about everything. I was full of life, a parents dream. I was good in sports, had many girlfriends and was on my way to growing up healthy and happy, which is every parents wish. There was a couple of other things aside of the drugs, I was also cocky and thought that my ability to play sports and manipulate others would get me through everything. It was on Junior year in High School that I hit the wall of addiction.
I was in treatment for four long months and was taught many things but most importantly I was told that if I didn’t improve my attitude and changed my behavior I would be back, that is if I was lucky to survive because people died from this disease. I could end up in jail or another institution for the rest of my life. Twenty years later I learned that I have gone through more than anyone my age has gone through. I have been in jail and several institutions, nearly escaped dearth several times, lied, cheated and stole from myself and family, only to let them down time after time. I have been homeless for months on end, and have eaten from dumpsters in order to survive, but most of all I lost my self respect but more than anything I lost my dreams and hopes. That is what drugs do to you.
So what is the moral of my story? If I should have listened it would have saved a lot of pain.

My Life Story--Mary

2009-06-02T21:08:00.001-04:00

“My name is Mary Lynn McNamara, I was born August 27, 1953 in El Paso, Texas. My parents are Robert and Ruth Hughes. I am the youngest of seven children (though my oldest sister Judy did not live with us). My brothers names are Bill, Bobby, and Ken (deceased), my sisters are Judy, Pat and Barbara. Our childhood was rocky due to the constant moving, I can think of six states that I have lived in and I know we moved at least three times a year. My father worked drywall so of course he always went where the work was at. I didn’t find out until years later that my father had four children from a previous marriage and was sending child support to them. I guess that explained our poverty over the years. I also found out years later that my parents ran off together when they were both married to other people, plus my mother was pregnant with my oldest brother Bill, by her first husband. My parents were married close to sixty years so I know it was meant to be. My father adored my mother in everyway possible. He loved all of us kids and was so loving and kind to us.

I hated the constant moving and I always told mom and dad that when I got married I would never move, a promise I followed through. I don’t remember much anything from my childhood. I can remember when we moved to Tampa when I was four years old and I ran away from home while my parent where unpacking in the new house. I guess I was mad we had moved again. I was picked up by the police because I wondering the streets of Tampa. When the officers asked me where I lived I kept giving them the address in California. My parent found me when they called the police to report me missing.

My next memory is of the third grade. I was attending St. Joseph’s Catholic School in Brandenton, FL, I remember the plaid uniforms and the saddle shoes with the knee highs. I remember the nuns. I only went to catholic school for three or four years and then I went to public schools.

I remember when we moved to Sarasota, FL. I had a girl friend by the name of Barbara Giarlando. We played Barbies together and we stayed at each others houses on the weekends. She was my best friend for three years until my brother Ken did to her what he had been doing to me for a couple of years.

I guess this is a good time to talk about my Brother Ken and the things that happened with him. I am not sure when “IT” started with Ken, nor do I remember the extent of what Ken did to me. It must have started when I was eleven or twelve, I am not sure. He would come into my bedroom at night while I was sleeping and he always held a flashlight under his chin. He would stand beside my bed in the dark and wait for me to wake up. When I would wake up he would pounce on me and he would start acting like he was raping me. This is where my mind is fuzzy about what exactly he did to me on those nightly visits. It scares me to think about it and I was terrified of my brother in everyway. I tried so hard to tell my mom and dad what he was doing but they didn’t believe me. My mom kept going back to the jealous speech she always said to me no matter what Ken did to me. Ken’s abuse started when my mom brought me home from the hospital. I was told by my oldest sister Pat, that Ken (who was three at the time) held a pillow over my face and tried to smother me but Pat walked in and caught him in the act. This was the beginning of Ken’s abuse but mom thought it was just normal jealousy while I walked around in terror. I also thought that if I loved him enough he would love me, but that didn’t work.

During the time Ken was abusing me I had my girl friend, Barbara Giorlando over to spend the night. I think I was thirteen at the time. Barbara was the first girl friend I truly ever had in my life and I cherished out friendship. The night she stayed the night my brother had a friend of his stay the night also. During the night the two of them came into my room and Ken jumped on Barbara while Billy (my brothers friend) jumped on me. Very early the next morning Barbara’s mother picked her up and that was the last time I saw my friend or heard anything from her. Again, I blocked off what was going on. It seemed like I had developed a great talent for taking all things unpleasant and “forgetting” them, or at least blocking them out of my memory.

It was during this time that I met a boy, Johnny Hyatt (time had passed and now I was thirteen). Somehow I convinced my parents to let me go on my first date. A lot of whining, perhaps? I would live to regret this date for the rest of my life. I did not know this guy very and he was sixteen years old with car of his own. My parents didn’t know him at all. The stipulation for the date was that I had to go out in the afternoon. Johnny picked me up on a Sunday afternoon, it was in February. We went for a ride and Johnny decided to take me to Manatee River. We parked at the river and Johnny wanted to get in the back seat to talk so I went along with it. We talked for a while and then we started kissing. I was uncomfortable but I didn’t feel too threatened, not at first. The kissing became more and more demanding and that is when I became worried and scared. How do I describe the next few minutes when it went from uncomfortable to terrifying? How do I describe being held down? I was raped at thirteen and when he found out I wasn’t a virgin (from Ken) he hit me as hard as he could. I was screaming and yelling “NO” over and over again. I can’t seem to get his smell out of my memory bank. I will never forget it. Johnny finally took me home while I sobbed the entire way home. When I got home I ran into the house, I told mom what happened and she called me a liar, then she called me a whore. I knew then that I couldn’t tell anything again so I went into the shower and scrubbed off everything I could scrub off. I did that for days. Years. I couldn’t get rid of the smell or the memory. I still have memories of it that turn in to nightmares for me. If I am under stress or I am unhappy about something I have nightmares about being held down. From that point on I never told mom or dad anything. I didn’t have to tell them. I became very quiet and withdrawn.

Four months later I realized I was pregnant from the one date with Johnny Hyatt and I had to tell my parents. I was more terrified that I had ever been in my life but I told mom. She cried and called me a whore and said we would talk to dad when he got home from work, which we did. Dad was furious and hurt because I was daddy’s girl. A few days later mom and dad talked to me, they were sending me away to a home for unwed mothers in St. Pete, it was a catholic home run by nuns. I will never forget sitting in the office with the Mother Superior and going through the questionnaire. When I got to the question about the baby’s father my mother nor the Mother Superior believed me that I had been raped and I knew who did it. My mother told the Mother Superior that I was a whore and would always be one. I just shut my mouth and quit talking and allowed the adults to speak around me passing the harsh and unjust judgment. I was there for a couple of weeks when my oldest brother Bill and his wife Mary decided to take me in and give me a home. At this point mom and dad did not want me back. I was homeless.

While I was living with Bill and Mary my parents decided to forgive me and part of this was moving again to Venice, FL (Part of Sarasota County). I gave birth to a baby girl. The only reason I know the baby was a girl is because during the time I was in the hospital a nurse brought the baby to me by mistake and I was able to spend time with her.

When I left Bill and Mary’s and moved home to my parent’s house in Venice things quickly returned to normal. Ken left me alone after that and Barbara had married, divorced and had a baby boy. She moved back home so we had a full house with my nephew, Darrin there too. I loved it because ken was not me and as I started Venice Junior High I met girls that became my friends all the way through high school (and now).

It was during high school that I met Jeff Stephens. He was two years older than me but we started to date right after the tenth grade and continued to date until we married on February 5th, 1972 which was midway through my senior year. This came about because my parents moved to Atlanta during my junior year and though I went with them and finished my junior year in Atlanta, I moved back here and got an apartment with two other high school girls. I finished high school at night and worked during the day to support myself. Jeff and I dated when we could. We where engaged by then and decided to get married. I was eighteen and Jeff was nineteen.

Jeff and I had a small church wedding at South Venice Baptist Church. Jeff and his family had attended this church for a number of years and even though I had been raised a catholic I was more than willing to be married in the Baptist Church. The wedding itself was family only and the reception held at my in-laws was for friends and family. From the very beginning Jeff’s parents gave me a feeling of security, warmth, love, and acceptance and such a feeling of parental love like I had never felt before in my life. I loved them and I trusted them. Jeff had saved up $10,000.00 over the years from birthday and Christmas gifts and with that money we purchased furniture and everything we needed plus we gave part of it to Jeff’s parents as a down payment for a new home they were holding the mortgage for. So as newlyweds we had a new home just built and new furniture. I was so happy because I was so much in love with Jeff and I felt like I was in heaven. I didn’t tell Jeff about my past (except about ken) because my mother took me aside and told me that I was no good for the Stephen’s and that if I told Jeff about my past he would leave me in a heartbeat, and if his parents ever found out they would never speak to me again. She said that I needed to promise her I would never tell anyone about my shameful past.

Tracy was born on September 9th, 1972 and I was ecstatic, beyond ecstatic. I wanted her so much and I poured all of my love on her ( I am still doing that today) she was my world. I was working at the family Chrysler-Plymouth dealership as a part time bookkeeper so I brought her to work with me. Jeff worked there as well in the service department. Jeff’s father figured out what our monthly expenses were and that is what he paid us at the dealership, so Jeff and I had to budget our money very tightly. On May 24th, 1976 Terry was born and our family was complete. I truly wanted more children but Jeff was happy with two, and did not want more.

The next few years went by quickly. The children kept me busy and I worked at the dealership while the children were in school. After school I packed them up and did the usual things. Tracy had three dance classes until she graduated high school and Terry had little league, boy scouts, etc. As the kids got older and older, I worked more and more at the dealership because in the early eighties I became office manager and my mother in law retired. I loved that time. I loved being so responsible for the financial statements and the sales tax report. I loved everything about bookkeeping and looked forward to going to work everyday. I quickly became a workaholic working sixty to seventy hours a week.

The years flew by for our family. Jeff and I went to resorts all over the country for Chrysler meetings (about four or five a year). We had another couple we hung around with, that also had two children. Their names where Marty and Sharon. They played a major part of our life and Sharon was my best friend for over twenty five years.

It was in the late eighties and early nineties that things started to fall apart at the dealership. Slowly we lost money and while the financial statements not always reflect a loss, usually at the end of the year we showed losses. More and more, Jeff and I had to put into the business to keep it afloat. We sold property (we had build a new home in 1980 that was on ten acres), and we borrowed money. We quit taking paychecks and I went out and got two other part time jobs to help supplement the money at home. Jeff refused to get another job which I resented considering I was working three jobs and taking care of the kids. I did more than resent it, I was livid.

During the time we were failing, I would lay awake at night sobbing because everyday the bank would call me and tell how much I needed in the bank that day. It could be a thousand dollars or it could a half million, and I would have to spend my mornings trying to get the money together. The vendors where constantly calling me for money and Chrysler credit lived at the dealership to get as much money as they could out of us when a car was sold. We had to let employees go (that were like family after years of employment) which meant work had to be done. I began to work seven days a week around 1988 and this lasted until we finally went under in 1995.

1995 was a very rough year and this is when I went to a doctor for migraines and constant headaches. He gave Tylenol three and Soma. We lost our family business and in the process Jeff and I split up. One day I packed my bags and drove to Atlanta to live with my sister Barbara. While I was up there Jeff and I had to file for bankruptcy because of the business losses. We were over a million dollars in debt. Terry was also caught selling drugs, and we had to re-mortgage the house (we lost the house). After three months, out of guilt, I came home back to Jeff. I always believed in the Ozzie and Harriet life and that is what I wanted to give my children.

Jeff and I lasted another five years. In the year 2000 we filed for divorce, I asked Jeff for the divorce for so many reasons. His twenty eight years of verbal abuse. My anger. It was complicated but yet simple. I still love him and always will but I am not in love with the man he is today.

Terry and Tracy did not take the divorce too well. They later came around and were fine until I started dating, Terry then became angry and shut me out. It was also about that time that Terry’s girlfriend Susan, left him with their daughter Anna, so I guess that might explain his sudden change of personality.

I went to work for a computer company by the name of Reynolds and Reynolds right before my divorce and this job had a really good positive influence on my life. I went from dealership to dealership training employees (classrooms at a time) on how to use their computer system. I would be there for a month. Obviously I had to know what I was doing, and if I didn’t I had to fake it.

I learned at this job about different personalities and how just because a person reacts a certain way toward you does not mean you should take it personally. Every person has their own personality and we are all unique. Just because I am a touchy feely loving person does not mean every person is that way. It was a valuable lesson.

When Jeff and I divorced, I was alone for the very first time in my life. I was living paycheck to paycheck, and I became depressed because we had lost the business. I had lost my marriage, my children were upset, we lost the home we had raised out children in, and my best friend of 25 years, Sharon, slammed the door in my face and refused to have anything to do with me. I was crushed, I am crushed, I don’t know what I did wrong.

I did enjoy my time alone, though. It was nice to able to watch what I wanted to watch, eat when I wanted to eat, and all the freedom that went along with it. It was during this time that I went to a doctor again and got Tylenol three and Soma for the headaches. I purchased a new double wide trailer to live in, it was in a 55 and over community which was ok with me. It was during this time that Tracy found me during a black out and took me to the hospital. I was baker acted at the point and stayed in Tampa General Hospital for five days.

After that rough patch I got myself together again, went back to work, and met Marty, my husband. I posted a profile on match.com and hooked up with Marty after several other dates. Marty and I have been together for seven years and married for five.

Our wedding was a small church wedding on May 11th, 2004. I had a beautiful white dress, Marty wore a suit, Bill gave me away. Tracy and Terry were both there but Terry looked like he wanted to kill everyone in there (according to my son in law, Scott). Marty has been wonderful to me since the first day. His daughter, Carol has accepted me into her life and has made me feel like I am a step mother and a friend to her.

Things with Terry became very rocky at this point. He had some problems that really upset me. The first thing he did was throw all of his things and Anna’s things into the garbage, told Anna he never wanted to see her again, and went off to live in the woods because he wanted to know what it felt like to be poor. This only lasted a few weeks because my son is used to having things. However, when he came out of the wood he didn’t have a job or a place to live so he arrived in Sarasota at his grandparents, life around Terry was not easy. Jeff and his parents took Terry to the doctor and a therapist, he was given anti depressants but he refused to take them. It was during this period that Terry started to call me and began to tell me “F*** You” over and over. I tried to take him to movies and dinners but he was always angry and sullen. By the time he was done yelling at me about his life being in ruins was all my fault I would literally be in tears for months. My drug use became heavier and heavier while I tried to handle my failing relationship with my son. It tore me apart. The next thing Terry did was to decide he could read minds and he could hear voices so he was going to go to NYC to open a business. He set off without a dime and got as far as South Carolina before he ran out of gas, at this point he decided to lay on I-95 and take a nap, right on the highway. The police came and they had to take him to the hospital (they had to taser him to calm him down) and at this point they ran a drug test. His blood work came out clean. Jeff and his parents wanted me to go to South Carolina to get Terry but I was too afraid of him. I honestly had no idea at this point what my own son was capable of doing to me. He was verbally abusive to me. Jeff put him in a drug rehab center and I tried to visit him but Terry told me every time I went there to “F*** Off”. He wanted nothing to do with me.

Thank goodness I had my daughter Tracy, my grandchildren and Marty. Without them I would have gone crazy during this time. Of course, my drug use increased as my stress levels increased with Terry.

I went to an orthopedic doctor that did an MRI on my back and neck. He found several discs that had some problems but he decided not to do surgery. The injury had been caused when I fell down the stairs one morning back in the eighties. I never went to the doctor because I had two kids to take care of a job with sixty hours a week. The orthopedic doctor referred me to a pain management doctor that prescribed Loretab, I also started ordering Soma and Farocet because I could get it. I also ordered Tylenol 3 to have on hand just in case I ran out of Loretab. Medications are too easy to get online.

On February 12th 2008. Terry drove to the Sunshine Skyway Bridge and jumped off, that day my brother Bill and sister in law Mary, came over to our house to tell me the news. When I pulled up in the drive way and saw their car, I thought they where there to see Marty, he had his hip replaced about five days before and had just gotten home from the hospital. Bill told me and it didn’t register, but when It did I couldn’t stop crying and I needed to go to my ex in laws house. Marty took me over there and I went straight to my ex father in law, that I will always love, and cried my eyes out. My next job was to call Tracy and Susan.

I started going to a therapist after Terry’s suicide but I kept myself medicated so I couldn’t feel anything. A part of me died the day my son jumped from the bridge and the worse part if they never found his body. We waited three months to have a service because I kept hoping he would show up, but I finally had to get realistic. Jumping from the Skyway is like jumping from a ten story building.

So here I am today at Synergy Group Services, Inc, getting my life back together, I am where I need to be, getting the help that I need to be sober.”

Pain Med addiction--His Story

2009-06-01T19:59:00.002-04:00

“I was born in Louisville, KY., to loving parents. I have one older brother. We lived in KY for the first then years of our life. We then moved to West Virginia, where I continued to enjoy family life and the great outdoors, at age twelve we moved to Reuna, (The Pocono Mountains). This was a resort area and there was a lot of fun things to do including drinking. I liked alcohol the first time I tried it, and along with two friends we drank almost every weekend, at least one night there was drinking parties periodically until I turned eighteen.

At eighteen I now had to join the Coast Guard in order to not be drafted. My drinking was both legal and social in the military.

I met my wife before I was discharged and again drank normally. We were married ten months later while I attended college. Again I drank socially and graduated with two B.S. degrees in 1977 just before my son was born. I worked as a medical technologist for the next twenty eight years and also worked as a chemist in R & D.

In 1990 I had been working as a chemist when the company was bought out and the job evaporated. Now I started drinking alcoholically as a functional alcoholic. I did this until 1993 where I drank almost 24 hours a day. I went into rehab and have been in recovery for sixteen years.

Four months ago the morphine that I took for severe pain due to an injury in the military and a car accident, began to be more than for pain relief. I used too much and isolated myself by staying in bed. I realized I needed help or I wouldn’t have my wife of thirty eight years nor my life. So I called Synergy Group Services, Inc, and started the program, I have been in the program for two weeks now. Through the grace of God I will stay clean.

P.S. I realized my father drank alcoholically when I was about thirteen years old. Since this was the early sixties no one knew what to do for him. He died at age fifty nine in 1973.

My story: Meghan

2009-05-31T13:17:00.002-04:00

“As an only child I often found comfort in my solitude. I would sit in my room for hours drawing, coloring, and playing with my little ponies. I grew a custom to being alone. My parents divorced after my first birthday. Both my mom and dad have two very different sides of the story. I blame it on my mother’s alcoholism, as does my father. Naturally, I went to live with my mother and visited my father on the weekends when possible and he paid child support once a month. I never saw any of the money and neither did my college fund. My mother lived the life of a vagabond, carrying me in toe from boyfriend to boyfriend leaving me always forced to adapt to my new surroundings annually almost like clockwork. This carried on until my mother met my future step father, Joe. Joe, had two kids a son and a daughter, they too lived with their mother.

The night I met Joe my mother asked me what I thought of him, I informed her that I didn’t like him and she replied, “Don’t you want me to be happy?” Everything was about her, story of my life.

I struggled my way through middle school emotionally, I struggled to fit in socially, I was constantly striving to fit in and look a certain way, but mostly I struggled with my awkward body finding clothes that fit me correctly and dealing with my removed shy persona.

From here I began to search for a substance to loosen me socially, I was twelve years old when I first smoked weed. I don’t recall any euphony but I do recall a sense of belonging and instant friends. From then my life went downhill, by that time my mom was a full fall down alcoholic, she lost her ability to work and went on disability, I took care of her.

In between three stints of rehab, I found a spy camera in my room planted by Joe, Joe was strict yet perverted. He owned thousands of pornographic magazines, so of course I found it as sexual abuse when I found this camera where I dress. He was never taken to court but he was kicked out. He is still married to my mother but they haven’t seen each other in ten years. By the time I was finishing middle school, I had endured enough. Mom was in a black abyss and Joe was gone. It was time for another rehab. With no one left to care for me, I went to live with my father and he took care of me.

In high school my drug use escalated, I used a different drug every weekend, sometimes during the week to get through school. I got ok grades and maintained a job and got good grades at a local community college, but quickly I was using all my savings in addition to paychecks coming in, I took a job in the city. I quickly upgraded to heroin. Still I was with out sufficient funds.

I went into my first detox on September/October, I got out on October 19th and went to live in Maine, the mission failed, I used any chance I got and upgraded to needles. I couldn’t see myself without opiates.

I was back and forth to Philadelphia to see my boyfriend Billy, we have been through a lot together, having been together for two and a half years. He went into treatment on February of 2009. I had to go stay with a friend that worked for a few days, until she called my father to inform him that I had relapsed.

I was put back into detox, put on Suboxone. An unfortunate series of events cause me to be placed into another rehab.

My mother has been drinking, using, and co-dependent since she lost custody of me. My father has been nothing but full of love, besides being hard on me in terms of school, it wouldn’t be a surprise/different to hear him yelling that I am “stupid, dumb, etc.”

Addiction Services: Sooner or Later

2009-04-19T19:26:00.001-04:00

A wise man many years ago stated “don’t put off to tomorrow what you can do today.” One might interpret the meaning of this statement, especially in the world of addiction treatment, as to don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today because tomorrow might not come. Every month throughout the country people addicted to a variety of chemical substances and alcohol are dying by the thousands. Many of these tragedies could have been avoided if these people where receiving appropriate help and treatment for their alcohol and chemical addictions.

I can tell you from personal observation for many years that most people suffering from addictions of all kinds routinely are in denial about their need for treatment or if left up to their own decision making delay when they will start treatment for their addiction. Sadly for thousands of people with drug and alcohol addictions, tomorrow never came!

For those that have a loved one suffering from the disease of addiction a
sense of urgency must be implemented to accelerate the process and transition
of their loved one into treatment. Keep in mind ,sadly, we might not have the opportunity to accomplish this goal. All to often we hear the heartbreaking stories of families that were waiting for their loved ones to enter rehab and treatment and tomorrow never came because of overdose and death!

Families and loved ones do have options when dealing with these issues.
It is very apparent that in the treatment of addiction sooner is unquestionably better than later. The longer addictive behavior exists than more problems both mentally, medically and legally can exist. Families can stand strong together and insist upon treatment for a loved one. If this cannot be accomplished there are a number of wonderful, dedicated and experienced interventionists around the country. People skilled in preparing the stage for a love one suffering from addiction to enter into treatment. There are a number of terrific support groups ie.Nar-a-non that lend a helping hand with advice and support.

There are a number of great rehabs and treatment programs that can provide invaluable information and direction based on the needs of the individual. They have extensive networks of professionals and organizations that can help.

Regardless of how we, as family members, get our loved ones into rehab and treatment remember it is better to do it today, because there may not be a tomorrow.

When your Doctor Srews Up

2009-03-24T22:14:00.003-04:00

Bad things happen. many times they are outside our control. Often patients ask me, "Why did this happen to me?". Many times the answer is quite simple. Bad luck.

Unfortunately for many patients that bad luck continues when they step into their doctor's office. Many of us have long held to the notion that all doctors are created equal and that the profession is filled with many competent and intelligent people who are all equally qualified. Not true. Unfortunately many doctors do not all practice the same level of care. There are many very competent and thought leading physicians and there are many who are not. How do know which one you have. You don't. And you almost never will until it is too late. Checking their credentials will not help. Checking their academic background or board certification will not help. Checking to see if they have ever been sued will not help. Asking your neighbors will certainly not help. Nothing will help. It is really just luck.

When a doctor screws up, bad things happen. Just ask Stephanie. Her true story blog appeared earlier on these pages. Stephanie had all the classic signs and symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. But her doctor missed it. Missing bipolar disorder can be catastrophic and I am certain that in this situation it directly lead to Stephanie becoming an addict. If it had been recognized earlier I firmly believe that Stephanie's life would have been drastically different in a very powerful way.

Don't be afraid to challenge your doctor and ask questions. The smart and confident ones will welcome the questions and answer them thoroughly. the bad ones will be insulted and will blow off your questions.

A good doctor will save your life. A bad one may destroy it.

In Her Own Words

2009-03-23T18:00:00.001-04:00

“Hello, my name is S. H. I come from a middle class background. I lived in Michigan then in Florida, while in Florida we moved to several places, because we moved we lacked social relations and we remained very close. I was always above average in school and sports but never the best. I began drinking in High School, this was a weekly habit until I got in trouble at sixteen. During summer break from school, I traveled with my family and went to sport summer camps with friends. While attending High School I met my husband, I remained sober for the rest of High School.

I left for college leaving my High School sweetheart behind, he soon proposed and we were engaged. After our fairy tale wedding we moved to Gainesville, Florida where I earned my bachelors degree as well as my masters degree. During my last semester of my undergraduate year I began to go out with the girls and my husband and his buddies. I began drinking heavily and experimenting with drugs at parties and clubs. First pot then cocaine, and a few other in between.

I managed to be able to achieve good grades, be involved in the college extra-curricular activities while still partying. I had two groups of friends, my class/volleyball friends and the people I partied with. I thrived of good and bad girl routine, and this challenge of balance. My goal for college was to get into doctoral school. I volunteered and held office positions in pre-professional clubs, and helped with research studies. I applied three times to only get on the waiting lists. Because I failed I went into a deep depression, this began a spiral of binges and daily usage of drugs. So much, my husband and I incurred a ridiculous amount of debt, finally I had enough it was either die or do something to change my life, I left it up to God. I asked what was his plan for me, career or family, I listened.

I got pregnant and stopped everything. Moved away, bought a house and began a career in Real Estate. I was very successful and made a great living with flexible time for my kids, while pregnant with my second child my family started to have moral dilemmas which questioned the values of which I was raised. I was confused and I felt it was all a lie, even though I had all this going on I still felt alone and confused. To add to this my baby had serious health problems at birth and was hospitalized for weeks. I tried to stay strong, I was drained trying to hold myself and my world which was now confused and chaotic. Together I developed post partum depression and began to self medicate with pills and coke. It was a two month binge of carelessness and stealing and lying to everyone I loved. I became trapped in my own house and isolated myself from everyone, my own thoughts became solitary confinement. I cried out for help and finally admitted I had a problem. No one understood they thought I had it all. They did not know about my addictive secret life and self loathing.

I came to Synergy Group Services, Inc, after a long phone call with the staff. I checked in after a painful goodbye to my kids and husband. I needed to figure out why I was so unhappy in my own skin so I could become a better mom, wife, daughter and person for myself. After a horrible detox from opiates I began therapy which allowed me to find out who I am, I also learned the tools I needed to deal with my addiction, I also started to take care of my body with the help of great nutrition and personal training in twenty eight days. This program was small and personalized. As a mom it was like a vacation, I caught up on sleep. My disease was finally diagnosed correctly I accepted my defects and put my life into God’s hand, I left feeling like myself for me, I surrendered my life and my plans became what God intended for me, my life became whole.”

Stephanie H.

Sunday; No Time to Rest

2009-03-22T09:24:00.001-04:00

It's Sunday. A day of rest. Yeah right!

Addiction does not take a day off. It is relentless and tireless. It never keeps moving. It never gives you a break. It wears you down and it becomes increasingly more difficult to stop the momentum. Becoming an addict is never a conscious choice. The use of drugs is, but becoming an addict is not. There are those who do not believe this. They are typically the same ones who believe that homosexuality is a choice. It is not. Who would possibly choose such a devastating world as the world of addiction. Science tells us more and more that people who are addicts are often put on that course by their underlying disease state and it is that disease that we must address in order to change the course of their lives. What must, however, become a conscious choice is rehab.

It is a rare phenomenon that an addict can change their stars without help. Occasionally in the absence of underlying pathology an addict can turn their life around by themselves. That is the exception not the rule. The rule is that addicts must be treated like any one else with a chronic disease state. They need help. and they need help within the structure of a well constructed treatment program. One that deals with every aspect of their disease and every aspect of their family.

Addiction never takes a day off but you have the opportunity to change its course.

I Choose Happiness!

2009-03-21T15:43:00.003-04:00

WE really do have a choice that we can make. I choose happiness. Unfortunately many do not. We are bombarded by pessimism everyday. Negative thinkers who often say that they have no control over the "basd luck" that dominates their lives. However i believe that bad luck is often the by-product of poor decision making and negative thinking that creates negative action and outcomes in our daily lives.

Positive thinkers are happier people and happier people live longer and healthier lives.

So I choose happiness. It is a conscious decision that all of us can make. No matter what the circumstances are there is still a choice. We live currently in the most challenging socio-economic era since the Great Depression. Financial uncertainty is the rule, not the exception for most Americans. And yet we still have a choice. You can still by the TV watching news shows and following the daily turmoil of the stock market or you can choose to worry only about the things that we can control and take everyday for what it has to offer us. To laugh with your children; to enjoy the wonders of nature as a new spring comes to full bloom; to hold your wife; to cherish your friends; to read a book; to do anything at all that brings us peace and serenity and happiness.

It all sounds so simplistic and I am not suggesting that it will pay the bills. But neither will worry. As I write this blog my 4 year old is running in the back yard with her friends. Her world is small and concentric. her needs are few. Perhaps we need to shrink our world. To think and laugh and play like a child.

It is possible. We can choose happiness. Think about those around you who do make that choice and those around you who don't. Who would you rather be with?

Addiction: Is it "god's" Fault or Yours?

2009-03-18T21:29:00.002-04:00

So what is the answer? What does "God" have to do with it? Is it his fault that you became an addict? I think not. Then is it His responsibility to participate in your recovery? I think not. God did not have anything to do with picking up your first drink or ball of heroin. He did not hand you your first oxycodone or light your crack pipe. He did not misaligned the planets to create the set of circumstances which were so grave that you had no choice but to relapse. He cannot in any way be held accountable for your addiction. And so because of this you cannot ask "God" to hold your recovery in His hands. Like it or not, that is all on you!

Steps 2 and 3 of the the 12 Step Program bring "God" into recovery. First, in step 2, by saying that it is a higher power that will in essence set you free and then, in step 3, by saying that it is "God" specifically who will guide you on your path to recovery.

I am a Catholic. Raised in a traditional Catholic Italian small town family. I attended Catholic school from kindergarten through graduate school. I am not an addict, but I have "lived' in that world for the past 8 years and I can tell you one thing. "God" has nothing to do with your recovery.

Addicts often say that their recovery is in "God's" hands. That in the midst of their recovery they are "blessed". We are all blessed and the course of our lives is in our own hands. The higher power that will drive you to recovery lives in the power of your mind and spirit which creates the determination and drive that you need to change the course of your life. That to me is known as spirituality. It is not the spirit "above " us but rather the "spirit" within us. Every addict is responsible for their addiction and therefore they are responsible for their recovery. It is equally their responsibility to utilize the tools around them--therapists, doctors, family, programs, sponsors, and themselves--to assist in that recovery. But don't put it on "God's" shoulders. That just gives you someone else to blame if you relapse. Take control of your own life. Be the source of your own power.

"I'm an Alcoholic!"

2009-03-16T22:10:00.002-04:00

“I am here to tell you my story of how I got here today.

It all started when I first experience my first drunken state at the young age of fifteen. That was all it took to lead me to rehab, merely three months proceeding my twenty first birthday, I could never say “NO” or get too drunk. I honestly thought I had everything under control, as I started my freshmen year in college at a proclaimed “Party School”, Georgia Southern University. Enumerable kegs, coolers of hunch punch, and bottles of liquor later, and I was put on academic probation, suspending me for a semester after only completing twelve hours out of thirty. I could get around this speed bump by simply transferring to another school, Valdosta State University. That solved nothing. The blackouts came every night, the promiscuity only got worse, my embarrassing GPA dropped even lower, it got to the point where I’d work only to have drinking money, yet I couldn’t pay my bills. I’d try to control my drinking by having only maybe three drinks, but I’d have five before we left the house. I wouldn’t eat anything all day just so the level of drunkenness would be that much more intense. You’d think I’d learned my lesson after a night in jail for a DUI, minor in possession, giving a fake name and birthday, suspended license, disorderly conduct and failure to stop at a stop sign, would teach me a lesson.

Nope, the very next night in a blackout drunk I got pulled over again but somehow got let off it. I suffered the same fate in this school, and only got one class credit out of eight. My parents had enough, no more spending their money to pay for me to party.

I packed my stuff and moved with my mom in Atlanta, Georgia. I was livid, no more partying! Little did I know my drinking could get worse. Shortly as in two day after moving in, my mom passed away. I went downhill fast, drinking to oblivion all the time. After such a traumatizing event my dad felt sorry and decided to pay for college once again, because I have high hopes of becoming a Dr., however I had to live ten hours away in Florida and ten hours away from my drinking friends.

In the midst of all this, my DUI case was settled with an amazing lawyer who got my DUI wiped from my record. I was on probation for a year, was ordered not to drink and got a breathalyzer apparatus in my car for six months. The drinking ensued and I simply didn’t drive my car when I visited my friends to party all day and night. I was dumb and tried to drive my car at eleven after drinking all night on New Years Eve. This registered in my breathalyzer and still on probation, my probation officer took me to court and I was ordered to go get an analysis to see if I had a drinking problem, of course I didn’t I thought that was stupid. I was shocked to hear that I desperately needed rehab. I thought everyone drank from noon to three A.M., blackout and repeated. I was forced to go to this facility disguised as rehab.

After coming to Synergy Group Services, Inc I finally accepted I had a drinking problem, after seeing other people and relating my live to them. I was an alcoholic!

The staff at Synergy Group Services, Inc. helped me realize that the source of my drinking was the pain I bottled up inside. I am now in touch with my feelings and I don’t have that nagging urge to drink. There is just simply no more inside to suppress. The people here have completely turned my life around and opened my eyes to other perspectives. I feel cared for because they genuinely want to help you. When you have that level of support, it makes you want to help yourself. They don’t make you feel embarrassed about being here, but proud that you are strong enough to help yourself because many can’t. I am not going to lie, I went in kicking and screaming but left thankful that I was given the opportunity to appreciate not only my life, but sobriety”

Addiction Recovery: Light Follows Darkness

2009-03-15T18:20:00.003-04:00

Few things in life are certain. There is however one thing that we can all count on; that no matter what point we are at in our lives, it will certainly change. Life is never stagnant. Life is always changing. That is the good new for an addicts. It is in fact, a point of solace. Because while in the depths of your disease, in the darkest period of life, you can count on the fact that your addiction darkness will always be follow by light.

Recently I was taking a flight from Chicago. I had been working very late the night before and had tried my best to change my 5:30 AM departure time in a desperate hope of getting a couple hours of sleep before working late again at my arrival city. Without successfully changing my flight I boarded the aircraft exhausted, cold, and aggravated. I swore repeatedly that as important as my travel income was to the support of my family I simply needed to stop traveling. Shortly after take off I was staring out the window feeling badly for myself when this spectacular sunrise erupted in the distance. Amazing colors of brilliant intensity like I had never seen before painted the early morning sky. As the scene matured my mood completely changed. Gone within minutes was my frustration and even my fatigue. Suddenly I was so glad that I was on that flight.

Addiction recovery can look very similar to the scene I just described. Tired, frustrated, and often hopeless every addict is in a dark and dreary time in their life. But coming out of that darkness can be life changing and the addict can evolve into a new person that may have never been found if not for the darkness.

Never be satisfied with where you are and never be afraid of where you can go. Change is good. Darkness can be followed by light.

When Drug Use is OK

2009-03-14T07:25:00.001-04:00

It seems so much easier. I never have any trouble try to get patients take antibiotics or medicine for their blood pressure or diabetes. Patients almost never turn down pain meds--especially addicts. Clearly addicts have the hardest time saying no when it comes to drugs that in any way resemble those chemicals which live in the same neighborhood as their substance of choice. But tell an addict that you are going to give them a drug to treat their anxiety or depression or bipolar disorder (unless of course it is a Benzo) and you have a whole new fight on your hands.

It is not just addicts that have an aversion to psychiatric or psychotropic medications. Everyday, not some days, everyday; I have a conversation with someone who is reluctant to take a medication to treat their psychiatric symptoms. People believe that they can control their own thoughts. That they have control over their emotions. That unlike their pancreas or kidney or liver they actually have control over their brains. That is simply not true.

As a patient imagine how many times you have woken up and said that this will be a day when you will not feel depressed or you will not have a panic attack. And yet it happens anyway. The centers of your brain responsible for emotion (depression, anxiety, fear, happiness, etc)lie in your limbic system; miles from from your prefrontal cortex. It is the prefrontal cortex that you do have control over. It is there that you can scratch your head or memorize a poem. It is a whole different world in the limbic system however, and you have no more control over that region of your brain than any other organ in your body. Medications allow us to change the dynamics of the limbic system in a way that we can't otherwise do consciously. And they can do it quickly. When combined with psychotherapy they can do it more thoroughly than any other treatment modality.

Perhaps most importantly, when you say no to medicine you may be guaranteeing that you will stay on a path or psychiatric illness with no hope of recovery. Recent studies show that when untreated, illnesses such as depression can cause irreversible anatomical, hormonal, endocrinological, and physiological changes to the brain and the adrenal gland. These changes not only attenuate recovery but also promote increased incidence of heart disease, diabetes, and stroke.

Today the United States leads the world in very few areas. One area where we are miles ahead of the rest of the world is psycho-social illness. The numerous reasons for this will be a topic for another day. One thing is clear. If we want to change this dubious distinction then we must stop saying "no" to the right drugs! Take your medicine!

Labels: Addiction science

It's just my Opinion

2009-03-11T15:54:00.003-04:00

Everyone has an opinion. The problem is quite simply this; most are not qualified to share that opinion. Medicine, unlike virtually any other field, draws opinion like ants to a picnic. Many doctors don't even have the opportunity to stay as current as they should when it comes to the overwhelming body of medical information available. A mountainous swell of information is released on almost a daily basis. Yet, as difficult as it is to stay current at least doctors have 8 years or more of medical training to fall back on. So today when one patient told me that they disagreed with my diagnosis and another told me that they know more about what they needed than I did, well you will just have to forgive me if I disagree with them.

Nothing gets in the way of treatment more than the uneducated and unfounded opinions of patients. Why is it that a patient with absolutely no training or experience feels that they have all the answers while at the same time their board certified physician just simply does not know what they are talking about? I have no answer to that question.

Now I will admit that doctors are often inappropriately paternalistic. And there are clearly times in which the doctor/patient relationship should be a partnership. but more and more patients are trying to take control of their healthcare and they are suffering dearly for that decision.

do yourself a favor and defer to an expert if indeed you have faith in your doctor to be that expert. If you have no confidence in your doctor then get a new doctor. Just don't be that doctor.