An Addict’s Story–In her own words
Before I ever tasted a drop of alcohol or inhaled a hit from a joint, I was an addict. I was addicted to chaos. From early childhood to present day, I’ve been addicted to chaos. I thrived on chaos; it was the only thing I knew. Chaos was normal. Chaos was my life. My life has been unpredictable, unstable; chock full of turmoil and unparalleled terror.
My mom’s descent into alcoholism began for her at age 25. By the time I was born it was in full force. My earliest memories are of yelling, screaming, breaking glass, and sobbing. Mom would be kicked out or Dad would leave, or I would be sent off somewhere, confused and scared of my family.
At age 5, my uncle moved in with us to help out because my Mom was emotionally unavailable. My uncle began molesting me at that time and by age 7 I’d already been raped twice. this continued for years and I still suffer from silent screams that rage in my little soul.
I never knew safety. I desperately wanted to know safety. I never knew consistency. I desperately wanted to know that too. But how would I find those? Thus, alcohol entered the picture.
I was 18 when I began drinking and it became the love of my life. Before alcohol I was terrified of the unknown; built into a nervous frenzy shell of a person. I loathed myself and I loathed my life. But with alcohol I felt nothing. With alcohol I felt good. With alcohol I could breathe. I was comfortable in my own skin and I felt like I found my miracle.
My descent into alcoholism was quick. Within months I got laid off from my job, was in a few car accidents; was transported to the ER for alcohol poisoning; detoxed numerous times; got arrested for DUI; etc. I drank alcohol around the clock almost every single day. It was at that time that I was first referred to rehab which I heavily protested. After I left I went to two other rehabs; neither of which kept me sober.
Weeks before I came to Synergy I was held at gun point in a stranger’s apartment. I was raped and beaten for 5 hours. I thought I was going to die that night. It was terrifying, but relieving. I didn’t know how I felt- I was scared to die, but I welcomed it.
I hit rock bottom after that. I swallowed a full bottle of Trazadone (65 pills) and 2 pints of vodka. I woke up days later in the ICU. I had been intubated and in a semi-coma. My heart rate was 38. I was closer to death than I’s ever been.
Coming to Synergy has truly saved my life. Cliché as that sounds, it is the truth. The people who work here CARE. They don’t pretend to know everything but they know how to treat and heal people. I feel at home when I’m at Synergy. They are a very caring and loving group. I have never in my life met people like them who are willing to go to any lengths to help someone.
I’ve never been so grateful in my life. Do you need to find a home? A treatment center to feel warm and welcomed?