Her Story, Her Words

I came from a family of four. My mother, father and older brother lived in the same town all of my life. My mother was a school teacher and during my elementary years I attended the school she was working at. For the first few years it worked well, but by the time I was in the fifth grade I started acting up, so I was sent to a private middle school.
As for middle school it was not comfortable. Always wanting to fit in trying to find my place. I remember I was the class clown and my grades struggled because of that. Boys also became a big deal.
In the 7th grade I started Jr/Sr High, this is when I was first introduced to drugs. My mother was always home. When I came home from school I hung out at the neighbors, where the parents were divorced or not home, so we were able to have more freedom to experiment with boys and drugs.
During the next several years most of the time I was in trouble. (I see not the correlation between drugs and trouble).
I had big plans for high school, but most of my dreams and ideas never worked out. From not making cheerleading to boyfriend breakups, I always managed to mess things up.
I had a stable family life, my parents are very happily married and always providing the best they could. At 16 yrs. I started working at the local mall but continued the gravitation towards peers that partied.
My parents attended college and always encouraged me and my brothers to do the same. My brother was never interested, but I couldn’t wait. Even though my grades weren’t very good, I was still able to attend college. I attended community college and earned an AA degree, then I transferred to a state university. From there life got better and better. I quickly became involved in campus life and through the involvement of my sorority I started developing into the person I wanted to be. My academics where always average but I managed to earn a BA degree in merchandising. I also developed friendships that I still cherish today.
After college I landed a job in South Florida where I always wanted to live. Even though retail didn’t pay very well, I managed to make ends meet. The 1st few years I shared an apartment with one of my sorority sisters. I also had a part-time job teaching aerobics. I had a love for fitness, so this was something I enjoyed.
Two years out of college I met my future husband. He was the man of my dreams. He had similar qualities as my father who I always admire.
We dated for 2yrs when he finally popped the question. I had always dreamed of marriage, children and living happily ever after. My dreams had come true. We married about a year later and life was great. Although we had our ups and downs we shared the same ideas and dreams. Life was good to us.
During the course of the next six years we were blessed with 3 children, each 2 yrs apart. Two boys and a girl. My husband had a strong work ethic. We were both raised in a family which our mothers stayed home while the children were young. This was something we both felt strongly about and we where fortunate enough to do the same.
Although I had no idea my life was about to take a turn for the worse. About the time my kids were about 6, 8, and 10 yrs old I had minor surgery. My Dr prescribed me pain medication for the post surgery. This was the start of my addiction to pain pills.
At first I would take an occasional pill for fun and before I knew it a few years had passed and I was taking them on a regular basis. The more I took, the more I needed. I had always enjoyed drinking alcohol (to much most of the time) but with the pills I was out of control.
The next thing I knew I was going to various doctors and lying to get a prescription. Even though I knew my addiction was very wrong. I rationalized my behavior. For many years I was able to function in raising a family and everything associated with it.
When the children were 10, 12, and 14 yrs. my husband got offered a job requiring relocation to my hometown where my parents still lived. My parents were getting older so we felt this would be a good opportunity for them to watch the children grow. Although my husband and I agreed to the decision to move, and I knew it was the right thing. My heart wanted to stay. We had lived there for fifteen years and it was full of happy memories. Initially, the move was exciting. My mother and I where very close and always wished we lived close to each other. Many changes came with the move both good and bad. We where able to afford a beautiful home in a very nice neighborhood and my husband had a good job.
Even though we had everything we could dream of, I was unhappy inside. I see now this is when my life started to become unmanageable.
At first, I was able to feed my addiction through the mail, but it soon became difficult. Over the next year I had weaned myself from the pain pills with methadone. Unfortunately, my addiction changed to alcohol. My drinking became bad if not worse, then my pill addiction. about a year later my mother became ill and passed away. Not only was I devastated from the loss of my mother, I was an alcoholic. I stared going to AA and continued for about a year. I finally realized I was not really doing for me but actually for my family. After several months of turmoil with my husband I started lying (to myself and Family) about my recovery. It was then I started back on the pills.
Over the next few years my addiction became so bad my life was upside down. I was unable to keep daily life going with out a pill. At this point I was so addicted that I would do almost anything to feed my addiction. I was a busting our finances (which my husband worked so hard for). Several times I tried to quit but with out success. I had been so deceitful for so long I couldn’t bring myself to ask my family for help.
By this time the children were 14, 16, and 18 and I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. Between all the pills and the alcohol and lying I was exhausted. I turned to the local methadone clinic. I knew it would be hard to keep this from my family and husband, because I had to go on Saturdays a week each morning by 9am for a daily dose. It was just a matter of time before I would die if I didn’t get my family involved. About ten days into the methadone, my husband confronted me, that’s when everything came down at once. the worse part was that I still couldn’t find the courage to tell the truth. Not only had I really killed myself, I had ruined my husbands trust forever and rightfully so.
The next couple of weeks were horrible, not only had I done this to myself. I managed to bring down my family with me, the one who loved me the most, and I still fought the truth, but I couldn’t fight any longer. I had reached bottom or at least it felt like it.
I research the local rehab facilities in the area. I researched the various drugs available to help with my conditions. Finally, two days before I was to start I learned about Synergy Group Services located in West Palm Beach, so I went, It was a Blessing.

KB

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