I Hate You; Can You Pick Me Up
The parent child relationship is the most unique of relationships. It is also the most difficult to figure out. It is parasitic. It is symbiotic. It is dynamic and therefore often changing. It is exhilarating. It is frustrating. And that is for both parties.
In the world of addiction the parent/child relationship is even more challenging for both parties. Children will be children no matter what age and often have a complete inability to “cut the cord” even if the relationship is an unhealthy one. Parent often are co-dependent and have an inability to “walk away” even if it is everyone’s best interest.
Thank God for the addict that parents don’t give up. They are resilient. They take every punch that an addict can give and keep moving forward. They continue to be willing to wrap their arms around their child and console them. No matter what.
The addict however is a different story. They want to believe that they are independent. They want to believe that they have grown up and can make their own decisions. They want to believe that it was their parents who screwed them up and that if it wasn’t for their parents they would be just fine. Bulls_ _ t!! Addicts often direct their anger at their parents but it is all very displaced anger and is often inappropriate and unfounded. At the same time as soon as things go South and someone needs to be called that someone is always a parent. Parents will rescue. For better or worse, parents will rescue.
All of the above leads to a tremendous need for family therapy whenever an addict enters treatment. Never neglect or minimize the power of the parent/child relationship. Making it right will go a long way towards successful recovery.