When is enough, enough
When is it time to say “I’ve had enough”? When is is OK to say “I’ve had enough”? Time to jump ship; to get off the merry-go-round. To say that I can no longer invest the emotional energy to stay on the band wagon because the “price” is too high. And that doesn’t count the money spent. Every one of us who is in any way connected to an addict has asked these questions. The questions are easy. We ask them repeatedly. Every time there is another drama, another relapse, another excuse about why a program is not working; about why a job can’t be held; about every “why it is just not my fault”; we ask them over and over. we ask them quietly to ourselves, to our closest friends and family, to our therapists, to any one we hope will have an answer. The reality is, however, that no one has the right answer to these incredibly difficult questions.
Is it the guilt that keeps us invested in each addicts life regardless of how much drama it brings us? Is it hope that eventually the light will go “on” and recovery will finally settle in? What ever it is, one thing is clear–The only answer to these questions are the ones you can live with. At the end of the day the right answers resides in that sweet spot where peace of mind lives. We must be prepared to live with the possibility that at the time we turn our back we will not be given the opportunity to have a “do over”. The most serious and permanent end game may prevent us from reaching out to our loved one again.
Today in our program one parent decided that it was time to get out of the game. He had spent all he had. Emotionally and financially he told his sound that he had spent all he had and he was done. “Tell him I have nothing more to give”. His son is forty and an alcoholic for as long as he can remember. He lost his job, his marriage, and his kids. He cannot talk to his kids for 1 year and his letters must be read before they are shared with his children. Clearly a bad situation. One that I just stepped into as his physician 4 weeks ago. Call me stupid but I really think that this time he really has a chance of making it and I only pray that the father didn’t “jump” too soon. Time will tell.